What An Unusual Flirtatious Morning...!

It all started when I boarded the flight to Nagpur at about 6:00 in the morning. I generally fall in love with every airhostess I come along. He he he…GoAir was not an exception too. After the tiring security checks and other check-in procedure, I finally entered the airplane and lifted my cabin bag to keep it in the overhead luggage shelf. I was visibly looking sweaty. Might be due to the physical exertion I had juggling with my luggage or due to a heavy leather jacket and a muffler around my neck, which I wore to protect myself from the chilly December of Delhi. When I was about to board my seat, a very sweet and sexy airhostess greeted me.

Airhostess – "Goodmorning Sir."

Me – "Goodmorning."

Airhostess – "Sir you look sweaty. Would you like to remove your jacket please?"

Me – "I am scared. I hope you only want me to remove my jacket, don’t you?"

Airhostess – "only the jacket sir. (with a witchy smile) You won’t need it inside the plane. It’s quite hot, out here."

Me – (with a devilish expression) "Not yet. But I think I should go by your word. May be things might turn out hot then…he he he"

Airhostess – "You have a nice sense of humor sir…"

Me – "Well, you have a nice ammmmmm...well, everything…"

Airhostess – (gazed with a little superciliously vampire looks) "Your jacket please?"

Me – "I am all yours" (handed over my jacket).

Airhostess – "Enjoy your flight sir" (She kept my jacket in the overhead luggage shelf, smiled and moved on)

Me – "Well, I just did! Thanks"

How flirtatious, isn’t it? Well that’s not me, even outside my professional world. I just could not believe I did that…he he he…Next few minutes went into settling myself in the window seat. I never like to sit on window seats as it kind of blocks you for the entire journey. If D E F be the sequence of the seat, I would be sitting on F (next to window), the aisle seat D was occupied by a guy who appeared to be very sleepy. And E, which was in between both of us was still vacant. That’s a very pessimistic situation for single men like me, isn’t it? He he he…So I had to be happy with the airhostesses only. And then happened a magic. A very fair and good looking girl appeared along with her mom and requested the sleepy person to move to a seat back to us so that both of them could sit closer. But the sleepy guy refused for an unknown reason. Obviously, me being a gentleman had no option but to forgo the opportunity and offer my seat to her mom. Astonishingly her mom did not accept my offer as she wanted an aisle seat but thanked me for my kindness. That’s how it worked and the girl sat next to me and I had no option but to forget the airhostess for a while. My first impression on this two member family was good. But there was a long silence after that which was mainly due to India centric approach to interact with a complete stranger with an opposite sex.

Airhostess – "Sir, as a standard operating procedure, let me tell you that you are sitting next to the emergency exit door. This door weighs 15 kgs and I would like to confirm that in case of emergency, you would be able to uplift this door. If not, we will accommodate you to some other seat."

Me – "What is your weight?"

Airhostess – "Excuse me. I didn’t get you sir."

Me – (again with a devilish expression) "Well, assuming you are heavier than this 15 kg door, I can give a live demo, that I can lift you even during a non emergency situation."

Airhostess – (again with a witchy smile) "I will take it as a yes then."

Me – "All-righty, get ready for a live demo then…"

Airhostess – "No no, it’s ok. The “yes” was for my confirmation that you can lift the emergency exit door."

Me – "Don’t you think, your “yes” is kind of “de-motivating” for me…"

Airhostess – "Like I said before, you have a nice sense of humor sir…enjoy your flight."

Me – "I again did. He he he…and I hope you would come up with a few more standard operating procedures to quote…"

Airhostess – (vivaciously nodding her head with the most witchy smile) "Certainly sir…there is one more to demonstrate."

The moment the airhostess moved on, the girl sitting next to me said – That was exciting.

Me – "Ah, just my way of appreciating beauty"

Girl - "Oh! So you appreciate beauty too…"

Me – "Don’t worry, your turn will also come. And, that’s another way of telling you that you are beautiful."

Girl’s Mom (from behind) – "She is my daughter and she really is beautiful."

Girl – (exhibiting shyness) "Mom, please…"

Girl’s Mom – "What? You are, my dear. And I won’t mind someone like this gentleman appreciating it. Very few people do it the way we like it. (Looking at me) Plus, I must appreciate the kindness by which he himself offered his seat. (Taunting the sleepy guy) Otherwise, there are people who just can’t understand others situation."

Now that was a tricky situation wherein I had to feel shy. I said – "thanks Aunty."

After a minute of silence, the girl’s Mom touched my shoulder from behind – "Did she ask you the time?"

Me – "No"

Girl’s Mom – "She will. That’s her way of breaking the ice with strangers…he he he"

Girl – "Mom please. What are you doing?"

Girl’s Mom – "Ok ok, I am sorry beta. You continue…"

Me – (addressing the girl) "Well, now you won’t ask me time. Hai naa?"

Girl – "No. I would look foolish if I do so. But you have a nice watch. Can I see it?"

Me – "Sure. Take a look."

Girl – "It really looks nice. And it’s Tissot. Wow…and I really like your perfume too. Which one is it?"

Me – "Oh! That’s Hugo Boss."

Girl – "Great. I will buy it too. It’s really pleasing."

Me – "Make sure, you buy the ladies one. I am using the men perfume. Both are different with N number of varieties…he he he"

Girl – "Very smart. I am not that dumb."

Me – "Yeah! I thought so…"

Girl – "What? Dumb."

Me – "No. That you have brains too."

Girl’s Mom (from behind) – "See its beauty with brains beta."

Girl – "Mom please. You find someone else next to you naa. And don’t listen to our conversation. You are spoiling it."

Girl’s Mom – "Sorry beta. (winking one of her eyes at me) You carry on…he he he. I will sleep a while."

Now, this was the first time when I faced a situation like this where in I had parental permission to get along with her daughter. Obviously, the mother daughter duo, were from a well to do & an educated family which incidentally were quite frank with each other too. For the next 15-20 minutes, she got engaged with a GoAir magazine and so I had to put my iPod on. Suddenly, it appeared to me that she was asking something to me which I could not listen due to the loud music. So I paused the song, and looked at her.

Girl – "Which song is it? I haven’t heard it earlier. But it’s really rhythmic."

Me – "Don’t tell me that you could listen to it even when you are not wearing the earphones."

Girl – "Listen, for past half an hour you have been listening to only one song. Tujhko jo payaa to jeena aaya…And I very well know that you were playing it repeatedly in full sound only to catch my attention."

Me – "Bingo! You got it! Actually it’s quite situational with the lyrics – Ab ye lamha thehar jaaye, tham jaaye, bus jaaye, hum dono ke darmiyaa…You see…"

Girl – "Really, and what’s so situational about it?"

Me – "Well, your Mom can very well explain it. Shall I ask her to do so…"

Girl – "Noooo…Leave it."

Me – "Ok. And believe me, I have not heard this song with so much depth earlier…infact this is the first time I am listening to it…earlier I listened to it while watching the movie, but it did not have such an impact."

Girl – "And you want me to believe that?"

Me – "No! All I want you to do is to listen to this song…"

Girl – "You know what? Actually, I myself was about to ask for your iPod, if you don’t mind."

Me – "Oh Sure! I certainly can’t afford to have a mind which would mind…he he he…all yours"

I selected the song and handed my iPod to her. She closed her eyes and started listening to the song. After about 3 to 4 minutes, she asked me how to repeat the song and when I told her about it, she again closed her eyes. After repeatedly listening to it thrice, she handed over the iPod to me.

Girl – "Wow…this was amazing. I don’t really listen to Hindi music, but I really want to have it in my collection. What’s the name of the album?"

Me – "Crook: It’s good to be bad."

Girl – "I am sorry, what was that?"

Me – "Well the name of the album is – Crook. And it’s caption is – It’s good to be bad."

Girl – "Really?"

Me – "Yes, that’s what the name is…"

Girl – "Now I get it how it is so situational…huh…(pointing her index finger at me) Crook, isn’t it?"

Me – "He he he…But as per your Mom, I’m a gentleman and not a crook."

Girl – "And that’s the whole problem naa yaar…"

Me – "Well, most of the problems get turned into opportunities…and I am quite an oppor tu nistic guy."

Airhostess – "Sorry for the interruption mam. We are serving. Would you like to have something?"

Girl – "No thanks."

Airhostess – "Would you like to have something sir?"

Me – "Well. That really depends on what all are you serving?"

Airhostess – "You can check the menu card. (putting forward the menu card)"

Me – "I really don’t want to go through that puzzle. (I did not accept the menu card). Instead, why don’t you offer me something…jjjjjuicy" (devilish smile was on my entire face).

Girl – "God! You are terrific."

Airhostess – "Sir, we have a mix of orange & pineapple juice."

Me – (again with a naughty smile) "Anything else?"

Airhostess – "Sorry sir. We just have a mix of orange & pineapple juice."

Me – "I am really disappointed. But just wait for a second."

I turned myself to the girl besides me.

Me – "Hey, listen. Can I buy you a drink? A can of juice may be. That’s what they have…"

Girl – "I seriously admire your guts man. You are openly flirting with the airhostess in front of me and then also want to buy me a drink."

Me – "Well, it’s just good to be bad. (I exclaimed) And common, I did not flirt with her, did I?" (I turned myself to the airhostess for an informal help and nodded my head)

Airhostess – (got the point) (smiled vivaciously) (addressed the girl) "I already mentioned twice to him. Sir has a good sense of humor."

Me – "Thank You! Now you won my heart."

Girl – "Wow…you really are a Crook. I won’t have anything."

Me – "No problems. (addressing the Airhostess) Just one can please. How much for it?"

Airhostess – "Only 40 Rupees."

I handed over the money to the airhostess and took the can.

Airhostess – (smilingly) "Enjoy your drink sir." (and moved on)

Me – "Well, I just did."

Girl – (irritatingly) "And what’s that suppose to mean? You didn’t even open the can…"

Me – "Leave it, you won’t understand. He he he…"

Girl – "Really? Very smart."

Me – "How smart? 1 kg or 10 kg?"

Girl – "Oh God! Can’t you just keep quite for sometime."

Me – "Ok…if you insist…"

There was a long silence again till I finished having the juice. When a guy who also happened to be the cabin crew came up to collect the used can, I did not react. But the girl did…he he he

Girl – "Hardluck…she did not come this time"

Me – "May be she thought to leave us alone."

Girl – "Huh…very funny."

Me – "How funny? 1 kg or 10 kg?"

Girl – "Do you know you have a very poor sense of humor?"

Me – "Not as per the airhostess…he he he"

Girl – "But as per me, it is…"

Me – "Do you fight with every stranger to whom you don’t get a chance to ask time?"

Girl – "No. Not with every strangers…only with those who flirt with airhostesses."

Me – "I told you I wasn’t flirting."

Girl – "Whatever!"

I pulled my white handkerchief from my pocket and showed it to her…

Me – "Listen, I don’t have a white flag. But can this white handkerchief bring peace between us?"

Girl – (laughing out loud) "You really are funny?"

Me – "How funny? 1Kg or … ok leave it? You get irritated by it."

Girl – "Good. Seems you are a fast learner…"

Me – "Well I am. And I really want to learn more about you."

Girl – "Ok, first you tell me, what’s your story?"

Me – "Well, I am just an average guy with unusual differences…"

Girl – "Unusual? Wow, that’s catchy. So what do you do?"

Me – "What do you think I do?"

Girl – "I don’t know. May be a spy or something."

Me – "Spy? Wow…what makes you feel I am a spy?"

Girl – "Well, you flirt with every female you come across. Strangely, some of them like your, so called sense of humor too. You form alliances with your subject’s mom very easily and I don’t know why moms are so easily trapped by people like you…Plus you come up with your funny one liners, which you think are funny but believe me, they are not. You use your gadgets to woo female attention; take your iPod for instance. And when asked, you don’t plainly reveal what kind of work you do. So that ways, you might be a spy. Like Bond…James Bond."

Me – "He he he…Ammmmmazing…but not James Bond please. Bond…Simply Bond. He he he…by the way…I am an Investment guy."

Girl – "What’s an investment guy? I have heard about investment bankers?"

Me – "Oh! Ok, that’s what I meant?"

Girl – "And what do you do as an Investment Banker?"

Me – (with a devilish smile) "Hostile takeovers…he he he"

Girl – "I knew it. You would come up with something like this…Hostile takeover…huh"

Me – "He he he…that’s what I was suppose to tell you in a situation like this…that was just to create humor yaar…"

Girl – "That was cheap, not at all humorous. (sarcastically) Hostile Takeovers…"

Me – "Well, the phrase “hostile takeovers” is extensively used in investment banking industry. But let me clarify, I am…I am mainly into Asset Management…"

Girl – "See, again you are trying to use those double meaning stuffs – Asset Management…"

Me – "What? Double meaning…nooooooooo waaaay…"

Girl – "Now don’t try to stretch it. I won’t get into those vulgar conversations with you. I very well understand what type of assets you manage…"

Me – "Oh God! How should I explain it to you? Mam, it’s strictly investment centric assets that I was talking about, not the one which you are thinking. In the world of investments, company stocks, bonds, derivatives are commonly known as assets."

Girl – "Ok! So you sell stocks."

Me – "No no no…I don’t sell them. I am into the measurement of asset performance. It’s all statistics."

Girl – "Now I am sure, you are trying to make a fool of me…"

Me – "Why do you say so?"

Girl – (sarcastically) "You are purposefully using words like Assets, Measurement, Vital Statistics and God knows what not…"

Me – "Oh God! When did I use the word Vital?"

Girl – "But then you meant it naa?"

Me – "No…not at all. It’s just plain statistics. Not the Vital ones. God! Anyways leave it. You won’t understand, probably because you are not from the investment industry."

Girl – "Hello…I am an MBA. That too from Fore school of management."

Me – "MBA? From Fore? And you don’t even know the term called Asset Management. I am shocked."

Girl – "Well, I took Marketing as my electives. So that ways, it’s still fine."

Me – "No it’s not. You might have studied a bit of finance in your first year. Every B-School teaches that much at least."

Girl – "No it wasn’t taught to us."

Me – "Thank God! I am not an MBA."

Girl – "You know there is a comic character called Crook Bond…incidentally, you call yourself a Bond and for me you are a Crook…he he he…so you are a Crook Bond…And no BSchool would ever give MBA admission to a Crook Bond…ok."

Me – "Well ISB Hyderabad would certainly give me an admission…just wait and watch."

Girl – "ISB? (sarcastically) Rehne do…let’s change the topic, I can’t bear it."

Me – "Yeah, me too."

Girl – "Fine, so let’s call it a truce and discuss something else."

Me – "You know what? That Crook Bond thing was really funny…he he he"

Girl – "Really? (smilingly) How funny? 1 kg or 10 kg…?"

Me – "Wow…I never knew I was so infectious…"

Girl – "There’s only one problem…both James Bond and Crook Bond have more hair than you do…he he he"

Me – "Ah! I have to be bald naa yaar…otherwise how will people call us – Bald & Beautiful…he he he"

Girl – "Us? Wait a minute! Are you really trying to woo me up?"

Me – "It’s working. Isn’t it?"

Girl – "No comments. (with a mischievous smile) I would like to see you confused…he he he…"

Me – (with a naughty expression) "Well, I don’t like clarity in such situations either…"

Girl – "Acchhaa…good hai. By the way, I am serious – a little more hair on your head would look good. Why don’t you try something? Hair oil, or may be a transplant or something like that?"

Girl’s Mom – "Beta try to rub the juice of some green chilies on your scalp. Do it regularly for three or four months at least. It works…"

Girl – "Mom, I told you not to listen to our conversations…"

Girl’s Mom – "What? I was just trying to help. Oh I am so sorry for doing your job…he he he"

Airhostess – "Please fasten your seat belts Madam. Sir. We are preparing to land…"

Me – "Really? But I was expecting a better air crash…"

Airhostess – "You are traveling with GoAir sir. We never had an air crash."

Me – (exclaimed) "Well…We just did…he he he…"(While exclaiming I pointed my index finger to the girl, then to the airhostess and then towards myself)

The airhostess moved on to next passengers nodding her head, again with a witchy smile.

Girl – "What’s between you and her? Are you exchanging some coded information for your so called espionage?"

Me – "See…even you are a fast learner."

Girl – "Whatever…"

Post landing, we took our cabin bags from the overhead luggage shelf and moved towards the exit door of the plane to un-board it.

Airhostess – "Thanks for boarding with us. Enjoy your day Sir…"

Me – "Well, I ju…"

Airhostess – (interrupting in between) "I know what you will say - “I just did” isn’t it?"

Me – "You are a smart girl. And a fast learner too…" (Taunting the girl who sat besides me and was behind me in the que, along with her mother)

Airhostess – "Thank you Sir."

Me – "Was I too rude?"

Airhostess – (smilingly) "Absolutely not sir…in fact you were quite jovial…and it’s good to be jovial."

Me – "Oh! Thanks a lot. You too enjoy your day ahead."

Airhostess – (smilingly) "Well, I just did Sir…"

Now that was a “tit for a tat”, isn’t it? He he he…With a broad smile, I moved on and boarded the shuttle. Somehow, I lost the mother daughter duo while I was boarding the shuttle, which took us to the airport where we had to collect our check in luggage. While I was waiting for mine, someone touched me on my shoulder. I turned back only to know she was the girl’s mother.

Girl’s Mom – "So, did both of you exchange your cell numbers?"

Me – "No, we did not."

Girl’s Mom – "Oh! That’s sad…(turning towards her daughter) You guys didn’t even exchange your cell numbers?"

Girl – "I don’t exchange my cell number with strangers. Especially with those who openly flirt with airhostesses."

Girl’s Mom – "But he was quite a gentleman naa beta. Remember, he called you “Beauty With Brains”. You guys even look good as friends."

Girl – "My dear Mom. You don’t have to choose friends for me. That’s my job."

Girl’s Mom – "Common, even that airhostess said he was jovial. "

Girl – "Whatever. I am not exchanging my cell number with him."

And I was laughing out loud on that strangely lovable situation. For the first time in life, I met a girl’s mom who asked her daughter to exchange her cell number with me…he he he…isn’t that hilarious. When the girl saw her check in bag on the luggage belt, she tried very hard to lift it. However, she was dragged by the moving luggage belt as her bag was quite heavy for her. So I helped her out, in lifting the bag and keeping it on the trolley. Meanwhile, I took my check in suitcase and said goodbye to both of them.

Girl – "Wait. There is another bag also. Who will lift it up for me?"

Me – "Oh! Only I can do that…he he he…thanks for the opportunity."

Girl’s Mom – "See, I told you naa beta, he is quite a gentleman."

Girl – (taunting me) "You know what Mom; he is actually very good in lifting things. He himself revealed that he can lift up the 15 Kg emergency door of the airplane. He was even about to lift up the airhostess also."

Girl’s Mom – "All I can say is that he is a strong guy who can lift you as well…he he he"

I lifted another of her bag and kept it on the trolley.

Me – "I hope someone is here to pick both of you outside."

Girl’s Mom – "Thanks a lot beta! Her dad is already waiting outside for us…"

Me – "Allright then. You all…"

Girl – (interrupting in between) "By the way, we can share our IMID’s."

Me – "I am sorry, what’s that?"

Girl – "IM Id…it’s Instant Messaging ID’s like Yahoo Messenger or Google Talk."

Me – "Oh! I see."(I gradually pulled my wallet out of my pocket to get my visiting card).

Girl’s Mom – "I love you beta…"

Girl – "Mom, I am just doing it for your sake, ok."

Girl’s Mom – "Common beta. I already have your dad who is waiting outside. You are doing it for youself…he he he"

Girl – "Whatever…"

I wrote my Yahoo Messenger Id on the back of my visiting card and handed over the card to the girl.

Girl – "You know what? I just changed my mind. I won’t give you my Yahoo ID."

Me – "Ok! No problems. It was really nice fighting with you…he he he"

Girl’s Mom – (addressing me) "Just wait for some time. Now that she has your visiting card, she will definitely call you…dekh lenaa…he he he"

I just smiled for a final goodbye…

Me – "I really enjoyed both of your company throughout the flight. I really wished we had some more time…he he he"

Girl’s Mom – "Same here beta…we also feel that ways…"

Girl – "We? Not me…ok"

Me – "he he he…Allright then. Goodbye. Enjoy & Have Fun."

Girl – "Well…I just did…(with a mischievous smile) bub-bye."

And I moved towards the prepaid taxi counter where as they approached the exit door.

What a cherishing experience it was, isn’t it? I normally don’t do this flirting shirting as I am a very reserved type of a guy. I keep myself aloof from everything when I am not in office, and when I am at my workplace, I generally come up as an extremely professional guy with a NO NONSENSE Attitude. That’s me, in reality. I guess, I now know, that sometimes, going by the wind also creates unforgettable excitement, how-so-ever directionless they may be. Of-course, one should never ever trespass the boundaries of moral science and community living while doing so. And above all, the other person involved should never feel offended by your moves. That’s where every one, mark my words, everyone enjoy neat & clean flirting. Even females...

By the time, I posted this article on my blog; I already received an offline message from an unknown Yahoo Id.

Yahoo Id – "Hey Crook. How are you?"

I replied – "Now that you already know “it’s good to be bad”, I would say, I am extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemely bad."

The Banking Dilemma...

Quite a few times, I have this habit of postponing things to the extremes. If I have to submit my exam form, then nobody can stop me from doing so, but only on the last day. He he he…because procrastination is well imbibed in me when it comes to things I am not so very concerned about. And that’s what makes me a guy with a late back attitude when it comes to filing tax return (never did it in past six years), paying my cell phone & credit card bills, internet service fee and so on and so froth…he he he…Although I do pay my bills every month, but no…not well on time…infact, I just love postponing it to the last date of payment…and yes…after doing it so many times, it undoubtedly became my second nature…

Yesterday, it was 12 noon in the clock when my cell phone started buzzing. And no…it was not a call, but a reminder to pay my HSBC and SBI credit card bills as it was the last date of making the payment. Oh God! Only I can understand how disturbing was that reminder for me?...After all I had to sacrifice those few hours of my daily dose of sleep just for the sake of going to the bank and making a cash payment. Now that’s what happens, especially when you don’t have even a single leaf in your cheque book and you really don’t intend to make online transactions in this bloody world of cyber-crime. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr…

So jaise taise, I woke up and got dressed in my emergency jeans (torn from the bottom) and a casual T-shirt (I feel it good unbuttoned)…he he he…wore my chappals (I don’t remember when it was brushed last time)...took my wallet and immediately stepped down to my car. Please note that I did not brush my teeth and didn’t even apply few drops of water on my face. And no…combing my hair is something which I don’t do during such times… (Who cares?) I straightway locked my home and was in front of my car. Suddenly, I remembered that I don’t have my car key. So went back to my room, took my car key and papers, locked my room and was in my car again. The moment I started my car, I suddenly realized that my HSBC & SBI credit cards are not in my wallet and I don’t really remember the credit card numbers. So how will I make the payments…he he he…again, went back to the room, took the cards, locked the room third time and finally was in my car…Somehow I was not satisfied as I was missing something again…oh yes…my cell phone, because the message of the amount due was in my cell phone inbox. So after moving a kilometer away from my place, I had to go back again…just to grab my cell phone…he he he…Now that’s me…specially, during the time when urgency eats me up completely…

The moment I reached HSBC bank, I saw few beautiful chicks at the reception counter chatting with each other. And I was like…Wow…subah subah apsarao ke darshan…achha hai…bahut achha hai…he he he…I don’t know why they made weird faces after seeing me entering the bank…he he he…may be because of my so called emergency look…

While I was filling up the deposit form, I heard a guy and a beautiful lady whispering…Both were well dressed and were the employees of the bank sitting on a nearby table…

Guy: chhod naa…aise hi lag rahaa hai ye…

Lady : arre, we have to complete the target naa?...so we have to ask every customer about our service…

Guy : But ye koi customer nahi…balke naukar lag rahaa hai…kai log apne servants ko bhej dete hai apne bill bharne…chhod…rehne de…doosra pakadte hai…

Lady : (addressing me)…Excuse me Sir!

I try my best to ignore people during such times…and pretended that I haven’t listened to the lady…and started filling up the form again…

Guy : Hello…bhaisahab…zara sunenge? (this time, the guy addressed me)

Me : Haaji bolo…

Guy : Ye credit card kiska hai?

Me : Mera hai…kyu?

Guy : Ye aapke kisi sahab ya memsahab ka to nahi hai?

Me : Nahi, ye mera hi card hai. Baat kyaa hai?

Guy : Achhaa…theek hai. (then he turned towards the lady and again whispered slowly in her ears so that I can not listen to their conversation).

Lady : Sir…aap zaraa yahaa aayenge? Actually hum aapko ek online service ke bare me bataana chaahte hai…ye ek free service hai jo ki hamara bank aapko dena chaahta hai…

Guy : Internet use karna aataa hai aapko?

Now this time, I was really irritated by this guy…what the hell he is trying to do…was I looking that bad…

Me : What’s your problem buddy?

Now, this time, both of them were stunned…and the lady interrupted…

Lady : Sorry Sir…he is a new joinee and could not identify a prospective customer…I apologize for his behavior…

Me : It’s ok. No problems. And I am not a prospective customer, but an existing customer.

Lady : So sorry sir…if you won’t mind, can I offer you a service that our bank is providing to valuable customers like you…

He he he…just few seconds ago, I was a servant and now I am a valuable customer…he he he…I went to her table and the embarrassed guy just walked away…

Lady : Sir, my name is Saakshi and I am working here as a financial planning executive. We would be offering you an online account where in you can make the payment. It will save your time that you take every month in coming to the bank just for payment purposes…but before that, can I have few of your details please?

Me : Sure, tell me…

Lady : What do you do sir?

Me : I am working with Genpact.

Lady : Oh Genpact! So you are working with a BPO.

Me : Well, I am not working in the BPO division of Genpact, but in the KPO division…it stands for Knowledge Processing & Outsourcing…it’s more of a high end job when compared to the regular call center jobs…

Lady : Fine sir…and what’s your designation & compensation package over there?

Me : I am an Assistant Manager…and my package is XXX Lacks per annum…

Lady : Oh! So you are an AM. Please don’t mind sir…the person standing with me mistook you…I will definitely tell him that you are an AM with Genpact.

Me : Ok…might be, because of my emergency dressing…it’s ok, no problems…it’s my fault too…so never mind…

Lady : And what are you monthly expenses?

Me : I don’t know…may be Rs 30,000 a month…

Lady : Since your card details show your age as 30, let’s assume that you have another 28 years of service and if your expenses rise to 40,000 a month then how much would you have to save currently…by the way…the expenses include your family spending as well…right?

Me : No…I stay alone…what do you mean by family?

Lady : I mean to say your wife and children…your wife might be working also…right sir…

Me : No, no, no…I am still single…

Lady : Ok…you are single?…fine…well in that case, your expenses will rise when you will get married…right?

Me : No it won’t rise because of that reason…coz I don’t have any plans for getting married…

Lady : Why Sir? If that’s not something very personal, may I ask why?

Me : Now how does that impact your job? We are not here for some serious friendship. Nor will we be proposing each other…right? Let’s get back to business as I have to pay another bill and I am running out of time…

Lady : Sorry Sir…my intention was not to offend you…Anyways, what kind of work do you do…

Me : (irritated) I work for Investment Research division of a US based client…

Lady : Investment Research? Wow…then you might be knowing about investments better than me…

Me : Well…if your intention is to make me understand how to make money by investing in few stocks or securities, please don’t go ahead…I know it very well because my job is all about researching investments opportunities…so yes…I already know what ever you would be telling me…

Lady : So sorry sir…it seems that we completely misunderstood you…I won’t keep you here for long…I have processed your request for the online account that will be activated in 24 to 48 hours. Meanwhile, can I bother you for the last time please?

Me : ok…please tell me fast.

Lady : This is not concerning business. It’s about my career. I have done my MBA from Fore School of Management and have recently joined here as a Financial Planning Executive. Gradually, I started realizing that it’s a wrong move…I wanted to be in research…can you guide me?

Me : Well…see I already told you that I am running out of time as I have to make another payment at SBI…and it is almost close to lunch time at SBI…

Lady : Well sir, in that case, can we exchange our cards? And I will call you during a weekend. May be we can have a coffee together and you can guide me on building a career in research…

Me : Sure…I won’t mind in doing so…but please check with me about my weekend schedules…because even on weekends, I am mostly tied up...

Lady : Sure Sir…thanks a lot for you help…I would definitely call you…

And then we exchanged our cards. I dropped the payment in the drop box and when I was about to leave…I saw this guy having a quick chat with that lady and with astonishing looks, he greeted me – Goodbye Sir…and sorry for my behavior…

I smiled at him and left the bank only to make another payment at SBI…

May be the guy learnt his lesson – looks can be deceptive…See the twist here…the guy (me) whom he perceived as a servant actually got an offer (to have coffee) from the lady with whom he was standing. Isn’t it outrageously funny…

Oye hum aise hi nahi kehte firte…ki…HAR EK HOOR KO EK JHANDU HI MILTAA HAI…he he he

But that’s not enough…even I must learn something from this incident…and my lesson is – looks can certainly be deceptive…and I must keep myself well groomed, not just in office, but also at public places like Banks and Malls…otherwise, people can certainly take me for granted…he he he…

Now this is a lesson that I have learnt several times in life…the only problem is – its application…he he he…bus wohi nahi hotaa…If at all I start applying my real life learning into practical situations, why the hell would I have to pay my bills only on the LAST DAY…he he he

Weekend Classroom...

Weekends are normally boring for me.  He he he…now that’s me. 

Watching DVD’s, visiting PVR Metropolitan, purchasing books & magazines from Landmark and then reading them, cooking, surfing internet (almost the entire night) and sometimes professional networking.  One can literally predict my weekend as it has been the same since past six years.  He he he…no change at all.  And you should not be amazed to learn that I do everything alone, except for networking meets.  He he he…

To make my weekend interesting, today I thought to accept Ravi’s invitation of visiting his place.  Being a very close childhood friend of mine, we met only twice since he joined Indian Navy immediately after his junior college.  I don’t know why, but he never bothered to contact me in these many years.  I will not blame him, as my college friends do complaint about me just exactly the way I am doing for Ravi.  He he he…And suddenly, when he called and invited after so many years, even I got eager to meet him. 

After some initial dhishoom dhaashoom, which we had with each other, for not contacting since ages, finally we got nostalgic about our school & college days.  Bavelli, his Malli Christian wife, got some pakoda’s and chai for us.  And then he started narrating his heroic stories which he created while working with Indian Navy.  It reminded me of our college days; when we both had equally big mouth for being highly eloquent about our immature chivalry in following girls and fighting for them with anyone and everyone.  He he he…

Suddenly, he asked me, “Saale teri ghadi to sahi chamak rahi hai.  Kaonsi hai?”

I replied, “chhod naa yaar…waise bhi samay kharaab chal rahaa hai”

And then we continued boasting about our life in past ten years.  When he learnt that I am working as an Assistant Manager with a multinational, he was first shocked and then surprised.  May be like my other friends, he also never expected that.  While we continued interacting with each other, I somehow felt as if he was getting distracted.  I asked him the reason as to what was wrong?  To which he counter-asked me, “Are you really working on some good post?”

Rishi: Why are you asking so?  I mean, the post is not so good, but then it’s not bad either.  Jaise taise gaadi chal rahi hai…

Ravi: Kya haal banaa diyaa hai tune sale apnaa?  Ek to motaa ho gayaa hai, uper se baal bhi kam ho gaye…kum se kum kapde to dhang ke pehnaa kar saale. 

Rishi: Kyu be?  Kyaa hua mere kapdo ko? 

Ravi: Chhod…jaane de…ye bataa ki Raghu milaa kyaa kabhi?

And we gradually changed the topic.  However, I was a bit astonished as to why this guy did not like my clothes.  After all I was dressed soberly, even though I was in my casuals. 

Anyways, when Bavelli announced lunch time, I went to wash my hands.  When I returned from the bathroom, I saw Ravi scanning my shoes which I removed while entering his drawing room, as a part of Indian tradition. 

Rishi:  What happened? 

Ravi:  Nahi, kuch nahi.  Chal bahut bhook lagi hai.  Khanaa khaate hai…

And then over lunch, he mentioned that his brother in law is coming from Madras the next day.  So the couple wanted to gift him something.  As such, a discussion started on the gift items.  Finally, the couple decided to visit Vishal Mega Mart as Bavelli was informed by her colleague that the store is giving good discounts these days.  When I asked him where is this Vishal Mega Mart, he pointed me over my ignorance. 

Ravi:  Saale, itne saal se dilli me hai, aur Vishal Mega Mart nahi maloom tereko?

Rishi:  I have just heard about it.  Never visited. 

Ravi;  To kyaa kapde abhi bhi Nagpur ke New Vijaya Stores se leke aataa hai?  Teri wo T-shirt mujhe ab bhi yaad hai, jispe likhaa tha – JOLA.  He he he

Rishi:  Maine aisi koi T-shirt nahi pehni, jispe JOLA likhaa ho. 

Ravi:  Abe, wo tere gale pe peeche ander side me likhaa thaa…jahaa generally brand ka tag hotaa hai…jab mai tere ghar night studies ke liye aata thaa tab dekhaa thaa maine wo T-shirt. 

I still don’t remember whether I wore such a T-shirt those days.  Although, I used to purchase clothes from New Vijaya Stores.  It was a small store full of unbranded casual clothes.  Those days, we used to get limited money from our parents, so had to manage in a tight budget.  He he he…

Ravi: Teri jeans dekh…sale…ab bhi aisa hi kuch ultaa seedhaa likhaa hai ispe…he he he…aur joote bhi dekh liye maine tere…he he he

Rishi:  Abe oye, bahut materialistic ho gayaa hai kyaa tu?

Ravi:  Abe thodaa hona bhi padtaa hai.  Lagnaa to chaahiye ki kamaa rahaa hai saale.  Kyaa karegaa itnaa bachaake.  Waise salary kyaa hai teri?

Now this is the question, which irritates me specially when old friends meet and ask instead of asking other things about me.  I know I am not earning a fat pay-packet, however, old friends tend to measure your success based on your salary.  And that’s what bothers me a lot.  I curse myself for being such an underpaid guy.  I somehow did not answer to his questions and tried my best to divert the topic.  However, Ravi was adamant as he used to be ten years ago.  He kept on and on and on…thereby asking me to check what is written on the inner neck of my shirt. 

Rishi:  Ye to mujhe maaloom hai…isme JOLA nahi likhaa hai…balke Springfield likhaa hai. 

Ravi:  Dekha…Springfield matlab Spring ka khet.  He he he…Teri ghadi dikhaa…bas ek teri ghadi chamak rahi hai…nayi liyaa hoga…

Rishi:  Haa ab to do mahine puraani ho gayi hai. 

He looked at my watch grabbing my hand and again started laughing…

Ravi:  Abe Kutte Kameene, Assistant Manager saale…mai to soch rahaa thaa ke ghadi kam se kam Titan yaa fir HMT hogi, but isme bhi tu kanchi maar gayaa…sarojini nagar se liyaa thaa kyaa?…isme likhaa hai…Tissot.  He he he

Oh my god…I was so irritated…if Bavelli would not have been around, I would have yelled at him.  He moved towards my shoe and giggled…

Ravi:  Florsheim likhaa hai ispe…ye bhi tere us JOLA ki tarah hai…jiskaa tujhe matlab bhi nahi maaloom hogaa…he he he

Bavelli:  Kyu mazaak udaa rahe ho Rishi ka?  Itne saalo baad mile ho…kam se kam dhang se to baat karo…

Ravi:  Are tum chintaa mat karo…hum log aise hi hai…bas gaaliyaa nahi de rahe kyuki tum ho…warnaa ek se ek gaaliyaa invent ki thi hum logo ne college me…

Rishi:  Bhai mere, tu khaamosh hone kaa kyaa legaa?

Ravi:  Bus ek baar tu palat…mujhe teri jeans pe kyaa likhaa hai dekhnaa hai?

Now I was really irritated by him.  When I refused to turn, he himself went towards my back and shouted…”Von Dutch” ”Von Dutch”…he he he…and laughed like hell…I immediately pulled my belt and moved towards him…

Rishi:  Yaad hai school me ek baar maine tujhe apni NCC Airwing wali belt se peetaa thaa…agar ab tu nahi rukaa to beta pandhra saal ke baad fir tujhe belt se padegi…

Ravi:  Ek minute ek minute, teri belt pe bhi kuch likhaa hua hai…dikhaa zaraa…

Rishi:  Oh my god…yaar Bavelli, tujhe kyaa shaadi karne ke liye ye kutta kameenaa hi milaa thaa…?

Ravi:  (grabbing the belt from my hand) Duchini…haa haa haa…saale kaonsi chudaail yaa  daayan ka belt leke aayaa hai…Duchini naam kaa…ha ha ha…

Rishi:  Ok…I give up my dear.  Has le tere ko jitnaa hasnaa hai…saale…bol to pant utaarke tujhe underwear pe kya likhaa hai wo bhi dikhaa du…?

Bavelli:  ek minute, ek minute, ye Duchini maine kahi dekhaa hai…shayad kisi magazine me…ye koi fashion brand hai kya?

Rishi:  Thank God!  Atleast she understands something about brands. 

Ravi:  Achchha, ye aise chudail, daayan type ke bhi brands hote hai kyaa?

After that, next half an hour was spent in just convincing him that Duchini & Florsheim are leading international leather apparel brands, whereas Springfield & Von Dutch are European casuals & denim brands.  And the watch in my hand is nothing but a Swiss Watch with a brand name called Tissot. 

Bavilli liked my Tissot very much and whispered, “Ravi, instead of going to the Vishal Mega Mart, can we go and get a Tissot for my brother? I am sure, he would like it too”

Ravi:  Why not?  If your brother will like it, let’s get it for him.  Where will I get it and for how much?

Rishi:  Go to an Exclusive Tissot Showroom and ask for the Tissot TXL Chorono T60.1.587.52 model. 

Ravi:  Abe to keemat bhi bataa de naa yaar. 

Rishi:  Well in India, you would get it for Rs.32,000/- where as if you import it, you would get it for $500.00 including shipping charges.  Electronics are costlier in India compared to US and other places. 

Seeing Ravi’s face, now it was my turn to laugh around…but then there is something called as Humility which if practiced at right place at right point of time can save you from getting overburdened materialistically.  And that’s what counts in the end. 

The entire incident gave me another outlook.  It forced me to understand that even if brands are BRANDS, they can not be recognized by everyone. 

Even branding of Brands need something called as Brand Management. 

Prior to writing this blog, I just visualized as an entrepreneur, launching my own brand…guess what will it be known to people like Ravi… JOLA …he he he

What better brand management insight can I get on a weekend which surprisingly turned out to be “Interesting”…isn’t it?

Practicing Corporate Traditions...

My first encounter with Genpact / GE Capital was in the year 2002, when the recruitment guys of this company came to Nagpur for handpicking Process Associates. Those days I used to be jobless and used to conduct coaching classes for earning some money...let me hide a fact from you all...I had only one student who used to attend my class...he he he...Payal Bindra...

Well, as all of my friends did, even I appeared for the interview...I cleared all the six rounds, however during my HR round, I committed a grammatical mistake. Since I was not a regular English speaker, even during my college days, I never thought that committing a grammatical mistake can lead me to serious failures. And seriously, English is still not used to practice BHAAIGIRI in the world of small crimes...and those were my college days when the so called jantaaa janaardan used to call me DATCH BHAAAAAI...he he he...and that too in Hindi...not in sophesticated English. The interviewers asked me...about my IBS Hyderabad (MBA) experience. When I told them that due to some personal problems, I did not WENT there, they immediately caught my mistake...and pointed me..., "Rishi will it be DID NOT GO THERE...or DID NOT WENT THERE?"

And just to show confidence, I replied, "DID NOT WENT THERE"...he he he...WELL, the interviewers showed me the EXIT doors...with the saaaaaaaame confidence as shown by me...along with a gooooooood feedback...he he he

After working for Convergys for two years, I spent another six months working on my business plan to become an entrepreneur. An intolerable experience at Convergys made me mentally irritated, to work for any other company. So I decided to start my own business. And for that, I had no money...no idea...no experience...no support. All I had was foolish guts and some kind of unexplored fire in my belly...which still is unexplored...he he he...By fifth month, my bank account started showing three figure deposits. With no one besides me, and that too with a mindset that I will not borrow any money from my family, I had to come back on the grounds of reality...and then again I started thinking of finding a job...he he he...now that's what I used to call "Taking Calculated Risks" those days (and wasting six months). All my calculations proved to be wrong...he he he...So once again, I started my trail of appearing for interviews...

It was somewhere around May 2005, when I was referred to Genpact / GE Capital by some unknown consultant for a vacancy of Process Developer...this time I wanted to find a Finance related profile...but had no idea as to what in Finance?...nor did I possess any contextual or conceptual knowledge about finance. All I wanted was A FINANCE PROFILE...he he he...how silly, isn't it? And on the top of it, I thought that I had two years of experience, that too from a branded organization, so I would not face any challenge in getting a job...he he he...CHANE KE JHAAD PE CHADHNAA KOI MUJHSE SEEKHE...

When the interviewer asked me as to what type of profile was I looking for, I very casually said, "something in finance". he he he...He asked me, "What in Finance?"...and I was like a blank paper...To my dismay, this time also, the interviewers showed me the EXIT doors...with the saaaaaaaaame casual style as shown by me...again with a goooooooood feedback...he he he...

After few days, when I had a discussion with one of my friends, she asked me how is GE Capital...? And I said, "Mat poochh yaar...saara din interview lete hai...aur raat ko ek goooooooood feedback deke bhagaa dete hai..." he he he...

Since then, series of transformation happened and I don't really know how?

Three days back, Navneet my manager called a meeting and announced my promotion. Just an year ago, I was recruited as a Management Trainee (even though I never applied for a job proactively), was sent to States on an onsite for transitioning a process called..."Something In Finance"...he he he...and now they promoted me as an Assistant Manager. Guess which company am I working for? Genpact / GE Capital...he he he...

Just one thing would be worth mentioning over here is, "FEEDBACK SESSIONS STILL HAPPEN IN GENPACT"...Ask Subhasish, Sumit, Chitra, Charan or for that matter anyone associated with IPMG team, and they would joke around, "Why are you looking sad? Did you get a GOOOOOOOOD FEEDBACK from Rishi...?" he he he

Now that's what PRACTICING GE HERITAGE is all about...he he he...(Take it positively as it helped me a lot) I am sure, one fine day all my team members would rise in their respective careers (to Manager and VP levels) and carry on the same legacy...Aameen...he he he