Movies I Watched in 2025

Documenting the movies I watched in 2025 so far.  I have not been watching movies on my laptop / OTT these days.  So the numbers have reduced drastically.  But the rule of "Atleast One Movie Per Week In A Theater" is still going on strong.  

1. Baby John (2.5/5)
2. Fateh (3/5)
3. Captain America: Brave New World (3.5/5)
4. Chhaava (3.5/5)
5. Crazxy (4/5)
6. Superboys of Malegaon (5/5)
7. The Diplomat (4/5)
8. Black Bag (4/5)
9. Minecraft (1/5)
10. Jaat (4/5)
11. Kesari Chapter 2 (3/5)
12. Ground Zero (4/5)
13. Thunderbolts (3/5)
14. Raid 2 (3/5)
15. Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning (5/5)
16. Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning 5(/5)
17. Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning (5/5)
18. Ballerina (4/5)
19. Sitaare Zameen Par (3.5/5)
20. Maa (3/5)
21. F1: The Movie (5/5)
22. Metro…In Dino (4/5)
23. Jurassic World: Rebirth (3/5)
24. How To Train Your Dragon (3/5)
25. Maalik (2.5/5)
26. Aankhon Ki Gustakhiyan (2/5)
27. Superman (2.5/5)
28. I Know What You Did Last Summer (2/5)
29. Saiyyara (4/5)
30. Saiyyara (4/5)
31. Nikita Roy (3/5)
32. The Fantastic Four: First Steps (3/5)
33. The Naked Gun (3.5/5)
34. Dhadak 2 (3.5/5)
35. Weapons (3.5/5)
36. War 2 (3/5)
37. Coolie: The Powerhouse (2/5)
38. Bring Her Back (4/5)
39. Relay (3/5)
40. Param Sundari (3/5)
41. The Conjuring: Last Rites (2/5)
42. Baaghi 4 (3.5/5)
43. Nishaanchi (4.5/5)
44. One Battle After Another (4/5)
45. Homebound (4.5/5)
46. Jolly LLB 3 (3.5/5)
47. Sunny Sanskari Ki Tulsi Kumari (2.5/5)
48. Tron: Ares (4/5)
49. Ek Diwane Ki Diwaniyat (3/5)
50. Thamma (3.5/5) 
51. Kantara: A Legend Chapter 1 (2/5)
52. Predator: Badlands (4/5)
53. Now You See Me: Now You Don't (3/5)
54. De De Pyaar De 2 (2.5/5)
55. 120 Bahadur (2.5/5)
56. Tere Ishq Me (3.5/5)
57. Dhurandhar (4.5/5)
58. Dhurandhar (4.5/5)

Reconciling BMI

Last December, I still remember how my Sensai Virendra Lautkar reacted when he saw me in Nagpur after 9 years, completely disfigured. The only words he uttered were – “I did not train you for this. Don’t show me your face, till you become what you were earlier. Unexpectedly, you look dead”. And he shut his doors on me where as I was hoping for lovable moments from him as we met after such a long time. Suddenly, I realized that my mirror never gave me my correct reflection…

It was a high time, for me to stop by and do some introspection. The fact that I devote 12 hours in my office thereby handling staggered shift of 40 team members reporting to me and another 4 hours of traveling time made me feel jittery about the course of action that was much needed that time. I somehow felt that I cannot work on my health due to lack of time and this would continue until I move to another job / role. Historically, I have always been a poor player with handling clocks – meaning, I always loose time on many things. But the question here was not of the clock but of the compass. I was lacking DIRECTIONS too. I was not making my own flow but was flowing where ever I got the slope, just like water.

On February 01^st, 2012 I weighed 68 Kgs. The formula for BMI calculation reveals that my ideal body weight should be between 50 to 52 Kgs. Meaning, I was overweight by 16 to 18 Kgs. Not a good sign for a person like me who value martial arts to the core of my heart. Even for an average person, it’s a sign of lethargy, unclear physical & mental priorities, lack of focus or simply said – a poor execution in life.

I realized that I don’t have time to attend martial arts classes or for that matter attending gym, but there’s nothing that was stopping me from redesigning my plate. Subsequently, I had a sprout salad that morning and a fruit salad in the evening. That kind of, relieved me from the mental tension I was going through. But that was just for a day…where as I had to make this adjustment in my daily lifestyle. When I came back home at night, the aroma of Pulao & Matar Mushrooms that my sister cooked that day hypnotically attracted me to the kitchen. And I ended up finishing all that was left in the bowl…This was nothing but a failure…he he he

The very next day I started a fresh with vegetable salad, had Nestle Dahi in the noon and ate veg sub without mayonnaise and sauces in it. And when I came back home, I was again attracted to kitchen by the aroma of vermicelli pulao… I ignited the gas stove to make it warm, regained my senses after 5 minutes, smelled the aroma of the pulao, placed the lid on the bowl, switched off the stove and went to my room only to sleep immediately before I get carried away with pulao…he he he…that was like – winning a battle that day.

The very next day, I wrote a message to my sister that she should not cook food for me and should consume everything she cooks for herself. Well, well, well…my sister is my sister…when I came back home, there were few aaloo ke paraathe kept in the kitchen…along with a message – “Dieting is not healthy, if you want to lose weight, do it through exercise”…I was extremely irritated by the message but was still left spellbound by the parathas…nonetheless to mention, it was a failure that day too…

And then started a battle between me and my poor attitude of kneeling down against the dishes cooked by my sister…sometimes, I won and mostly I lost. Rather I should put it this way – mostly, I used to win during the day and lose at night when I entered my home…the cycle continued for about a month and one fine day one of my direct reportee in my office noticed that I lost a few centimeters of fats on my belly. On March 01^st, 2012, I weighed 65 Kgs unexpectedly...I lost 3 Kgs in a month’s time…that was the AHA moment for me which charged me up again...

I was motivated for more… The challenge was to find time…I had no clue when will I do it but had a vague idea that I can do it after returning from office at 2 am in the dark…I pulled my track suite the very next day and started jogging. After about 5 minutes of jogging, unexpectedly I was chased by a dog who got suspicious as to why am I running in the dark…Consequently I had to rush back home in a jet speed. I took a breath of relief the moment I shut the door and decided not to jog in the night anymore. The very next weekend, I bought an exercise kit and thought to start burning calories at home itself, how so ever small in number they might be. But then while exercising at home; I broke a few items due to lack of spatial awareness, especially a glass show piece, a fancy alarm watch and a ceramic flower pot that too, in just a week’s time. Funny, isn’t it?

Yesterday, I noticed I lost a few more inches around my belly which made me a super happy man…but I was not sure if it appears only to me or to others as well…so I shot a few photographs of mine, and sent it to my brother and 3 close friends. The fact that all of them either use a blackberry or an iPhone, made me sure that I would get a reply immediately…moreover, it was a HOLI-day as well…so I eagerly waited for their responses. However, none of them responded. By evening, I was upset and restless, partly because of hunger and partly because no one responded. I slept at 7 in the evening to avoid the feeling of hunger which weakens me from inside. And when I woke up, I actually woke up – meaning, that short nap opened my eyes…I realized, that losing weight is MY goal and it does not matter to others. Forget about acknowledging or giving feedback, others won’t even pay attention. I smiled, recollected my narcissism and went on for a 20 minute jog around my place…

While writing this post, I now have a better understanding that reconciling BMI is more of a mental fight rather than dealing with physical exercises. It starts with mind and if it has to, it ends in the mind as well.

• Choosing sprouts & fruits over pulaos & parathas
• Dealing with hunger throughout the day
• Controlling your emotions while watching others, relishing mouthwatering food
• Being regular with exercises
• Protecting ourselves from street dogs while jogging at night
• Avoiding the emotions of a caring sister / mother
• Not getting boggled by people who can’t even find a minute to align themselves to my goals

See – everything listed above are mind games, and one really has to win each of it every day…

And it’s not impossible. All one needs is a bit of VANITY…and that’s fair…he he he

Next December when I would be meeting my Sensai in Nagpur, I won’t give him the doors to shut on me…Rather; I would take him to Japanese Garden which happens to be my Dojo in Nagpur, and would have a nice sparring with him…Time for a jog now… J

Things That Made My Birthday...

Today is my Birthday and in the words of Gordon Gekko, I am fucked up…he he he…coz I perfectly represent the so called NINJA GENERATION, who has no job…no income…and no assets.

So I hereby smile on the never ending struggles of my life, acknowledge my failures and move on, to make a few more (unknown) mistakes thereby wishing myself a very Happy Birthday…

We are all Mixed Bags…Isn't it? He he he

Well, today I thought to be myself and do nothing special to make it special. Sometimes, being yourself is the only special thing you can do for yourself. Isn’t it? So here is the list of things, which I would constantly update throughout the day, which would give you an idea, of who Rishi Gajbhiye is, any given normal day.

1. Spoke to my younger brother Samrat who called to wish me the moment the clock ticked 12:00. Seems he was just waiting for it…So did my sister…
2. Mom called to wish me too. Seems she was also waiting for the time…To celebrate my birthday in her own style, my Mom will cook her regular celebration dish – Bagharaa Chawal, Daalcha and Rajmaa with Soya nuggets. Yummieeee…
3. Guess who called after my family to wish me…someone who is not less than a family…Sumit Motwani…he can never forget my birthday…after all I have tortured him to the core at IPMG to such an extent, that he can never forget me anymore…he he he
4. Registered a space on my blog for a new posting – regarding my 32^nd birthday, the current one which you are reading right now.
5. Feeling sleepy...so I am off for my goodnight dreams...after all, I do nurture a few dreams...he he he...see you all in the morning...
6. Now this is pretty hilarious…today I thought I will sleep a little longer for obvious reasons…I am still confused whether it was a dream or a reality…but I felt someone biting my right ankle with sharp teeth, and shockingly it woke me up…of course I was frightened, only to see no one around and no marks on my ankle too. Seems it might be a rat or something else or may be nothing, but I got my share of love bite on my ankle and that too when I was deeply asleep. He he he…what a birthday….
7. Well, post the love bite of my life, when I tried sleeping I got a call (at 5:30 in the morning), which I was expecting a little earlier. He he he…Puneet Raheja...der aaye durust aaye Puneet sahaab…he he he…Where are the other members of DAMM? Doston se itni expectations to banti hi hai naa yaaro...he he he
8. So now, here I am...after having my morning tea, I am completing the last chapter of the book - On The Brink by Hank Paulson. Due to other commitments I could not complete it on time...but since I am relaxing today a bit, I thought to complete it...
9. Well, since I missed my exercises today morning, I thought to have a long walk to burn those calories. So I walked about 3 Kms at about 10:00 am in the sunny morning only to reach Ambience Mall, where I was teased by Lerros, Alcott, Promod, Lladro, Nautica, Rosenthal, Gant, Aldo, Sisley and Rado…When you don’t earn for few months, what else would they do to you rather than teasing? He he he
10. At Ambience Mall, I catched up yet another 10:30 am show for Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. So all in all, it was my third visit to Gordon Gekko, in a single week and I still loved.
11. Gifted myself another book called – “Crash Course: The American Automobile Industries Road From Glory To Disaster”, by Paul Ingrassia. I am excited to read this book, but first, let me finish a few unfinished tasks that I took recently.
12. Sister cooked my favorite Pulao, Paneer Mushrooms, Raita and Rabdi today...so I did not mind doing some overeating today...the best part of having a sister and mother is that you get good food on your birthday, even if you don't earn for few months...he he he...isn't it?
13. Furiously reprimanded a job counselor over the phone, who tried to sell me a BPO job despite refusing three times since past 4 days. I think by now, people should know how deeply I hate BPO profiles…he he he
14. I am not wasting my time over the Ayodhya issue...it's simply an overly hyped lie which India is witnessing since past 60 years. I don't understand why Govt. choose to declare the final verdict 3 days before CWG. Are the lawyers foolish to ignore the possible outcomes which can further deteriorate countries image. Grow up Indian Authorities...A history has already been created by my birth today. Did we need anything else to boast off for Sept. 30...Don't ruin my day please...he he he
15. Currently, reading a chapter on Hedge Fund's Risk Analysis as a part of my course curriculum.
16. Abused my ISP Customer Service Representative over the phone, for frequent internet disconnections. Today I was without internet service for about 3 hours...and that was not at all acceptable...
17. Mugged up a bit of GIPS provisions on Private Equity & their Valuation Principles.
18. Completed a revision of Bayes’ Theorem and Chebyshev’s Inequality. Can't live without Probability...he he he
19. Listened to my favorite songs – Ek din teri raaho me baaho me panaaho me aaungaa, Naa hai ye khonaa, Tum mere ho bus mere hi mere ho, Menda ishq vi tu, Awarapan banjarapan, mujhko dil se yahi shikayat hai, Himmat-e-ataa karo, khaamosh raat sehmi hawaa…and many more
20. Read this article on IndexUniverse.com that Charles Schwab has filed with the SEC for authorization to launch an exchange-traded fund investing in REIT.
21. Read this article on TheStreet.com about the rising prices of gold which is setting new records
22. Read this article on Irishtimes.com about the bailout of Anglo Irish Bank which could go upto 30 Billion Euros.
23. Read this article on Bloomberg.com about Elizabeth Warren who earned $90,000 as a paid expert witness in a lawsuit against major financial institutions.
24. Read this article on WashingtonPost.com, that U.S. House agrees to punish China for its currency policy
25. Watched a documentary on Hitler, which my father gifted me on my last birthday. Hitler is my favorite historical character. You guys can hate me for this, I won’t mind.
26. One and a half hours left to finish the day...what do you all think would be my next move...Well, Peirce Brosnan is my favorite hero and I can not spend the day without having a bit of him...so I would now be watching him do the dare devil action stills from Golden Eye, Tomorrow Never Dies, The World Is Not Enough and Die Another Day...won't watch the entire movie, only the action sequences...where in he depicts serious style quotient...as Bond

So, the day was pretty normal, as I expected it to be…and that made it special, no fancy celebration, no boozes and fags and no get togethers. Yet, the whole day my cell phone was ringing and the special ones who called and wished me are Kshipra (my cousin), Bali Aunty (my maasi), Sishir (my college time best buddy), Shiva (my colleague at Genpact), Arunima (my co partner at my Martial Arts classes) and Sanjeev (my best buddy at Xchanging). Of course, there were some, who missed, and I was expecting them, but then I understand that they might have been either in some problem or with some other commitments. Alternatively, I do understand that my AURA might have decreased too. He he he...All in all, with close to 70 people wishing me through social networking sites and receiving close to 30 calls and yet another 28 SMS’s, I still believe that my Acceptance as a “Networking Guy” has reduced since past three years…but that’s plainly because I purposefully wanted to keep a low profile…he he he…I am sure, I will strike it hard soon…Thanks to everyone who made my day, special…

My New Bald Look

Happy Valentines Day...

Before I regain my consciousness,

Let me once again indulge myself with my love towards NUMBERS...

Order, Magnitude and Symmetry, what else would I need?

Numbers behave well, better than humans

And share intimacy without intricacy...

We enjoy INFINITY. as simple economics of arrangement...

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY :-)

Bond

Movies I Watched in 2010...

EVERY WEEKEND, I watch a movie, in a PVR Audi near to my place. Alone...he he he...

And I have been doing this since past seven years in Gurgaon. I used to do this even when I was in Nagpur, my home town...It gives me different perspectives, ideas, recreation, enjoyment and many more things which I apply in a normal course of life...

I don't aspire to be an actor or someone close to movie making. I just want to be an audience, the world has never witnessed before...he he he

I love to give each movie a rating, as per my likes and dislikes...I would keep it simple...the criteria should be 1 for Poor, 2 for Ok, 3 for Good, 4 for Very Good and 5 for Outstanding.

Below is the list of the movies that I watched in 2010 at PVR Cinemas or a movie auditorium, in a chronological order...

1. Raat Gayi Baat Gayi (2.5 /5)
2. Sherlock Holmes (3 /5)
3. Chance Pe Dance (3 /5)
4. Veer (3/5)
5. Rann (4/5)
6. Ishqia (4/5)
7. My Name Is Khan (3 /5)
8. Up In The Air (4/5)
9. Click (4 /5)
10. Karthik Calling Karthik (3 /5)
11. Road, Movie (4 /5)
12. Teen Patti (3 / 5)
13. Right Ya Wrong (3 / 5)
14. Alice In Wonderland 3D (4 / 5)
15. Love Sex Aur Dhoka (4 /5)
16. Shapit (2.5 / 5)
17. The Book Of Eli (3 /5)
18. Amelia (3 /5)
19. Nine (3.5 / 5)
20. Clash Of The Titans 3D (3 / 5)
21. Prince (3.5 / 5)
22. Phoonk 2 (3.5 / 5)
23. Gamer (4 / 5)
24. Housefull (0 / 5)...worst movie in the entire list.
25. Iron Man 2 (4.5 /5)
26. Badmash Company (4 / 5)
27. Kites (3.5 / 5)
28. Prince Of Persia (4 / 5)
29. Raajneeti (3 / 5)
30. Robin Hood (4 / 5)
31. Raavan (2.5 / 5)
32. The A Team (4 /5)
33. I Hate Luv Storys (3 / 5)
34. Red Alert (4 / 5)
35. Inception (5 / 5)
36. Knight & Day (4 / 5)
37. Lamhaa (3.5 / 5)
38. Once Upon A Time In Bombay (4 / 5)
39. Salt (4 /5)
40. Aaisha (3 / 5)
41. Predators (3.5 / 5)
42. Help (3.5 /5)
43. Lafange Parindey (4 / 5)
44. Peepli Live (4 / 5)
45. Aashaayein (5 /5)
46. Antardwand (5 / 5)
47. Resident Evil : Afterlife 3D (4.5 / 5)
48. Dabangg (3 / 5)
49. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (5 /5)
50. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (5 /5) (Repeated)
51. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (5 /5) (Repeated)
52. Anjana Anjani (3 / 5)
53. Crook - It's good to be bad (4 / 5)
54. Aakrosh (4.5 /5)
55. Knock Out (5 / 5)
56. Hisss... (2 / 5)
57. Raktcharitra - I (4.5 / 5)
58. Jhoota Hi Sahi (3 / 5)
59. Golmaal 3 (4 / 5)
60. Skyline (3 / 5)
61. Guzarish (4.5 / 5)
62. Break Ke Baad (2.5 / 5)
63. Allah Ke Bande (4 / 5)
64. The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader 3D (3.5 / 5)
65. Khelein Hum Jee Jaan Se (4 / 5)
66. Band Bajaa Baraat (3 / 5)
67. Tron: Legacy 3D (4.5 / 5)
68. The Tourist (3.5 /5)
69. Megamind (4.5 / 5)

Also, the list below shows the movies that I watched at home on a DVD...mostly on my laptop or on my TV / DVD set...must tell you, I don't like watching whatever is shown on a TV...since I always love to go by my choice, especially when it comes to movies, I don't watch them on any movie channel...moreover, the advertisements too, in the middle of the movie bug me up...

1. The Nines (4/5)
2. Catch Me If You Can (4/5) (Repeated)
3. Bridge To Terabithia (5/5) (Repeated)
4. Nim's Island (3/5)
5. Spiderwick's Chronicles (2.5/5)
6. The Pursuit Of Happiness (5/5) (Repeated)
7. Wild Things 2 (2.5/3)
8. Wild Things 3 (2 / 3)
9. Into The Wild (5 /5)
10. Impact Point (2 /3)
11. P2 (3 /5)
12. Gladiator (4.5 /5)
13. Cruel Intentions 3 (2.5 / 5)
14. Deception (4 / 5) (Repeated)
15. The Flock (3.5 / 5)
16. Breach (3.5 / 5)
17. Empire Of The Wolves (2.5 / 5)
18. 21 (5 /5)
19. Wallstreet (5 / 5) (Repeated)
20. The Lookout (2.5 / 5)
21. Dark Is Rising (2.5 / 5)
22. No Country For Old Men (4 /5)
23. Training Day (4 / 5)
24. Rescue Dawn (3.5 / 5)
25. Sleuth (3 /5)
26. The Village (4.5 / 5)
27. Across The Universe (2.5 / 5)
28. Eastern Promises (3.5 / 5)
29. 3 : 10 To Yuma (4 / 5)
30. The Oxford Murders (4 / 5)
31. Saw 4 (3.5 / 5)
32. American Pie 5 (2.5 / 5)
33. Hollow-man (4 /5)
34. Hollow-man 2 (3.5 / 5)
35. Incredible Hulk (4 / 5)
36. Eagle Eye (5 / 5)
37. Rendition (4.5 / 5)
38. The Brave One (4.5 / 5)
39. Minority Report (4 / 5)
40. Surrogates (3 / 5)
41. The Happening (3 / 5)
42. The Hunting Party (3.5 / 5)
43. Rules Of Attraction (2.5 / 5)
44. Unbreakable (4 / 5)
45. Mystic River (3.5 / 5)
46. Shooter (3.5 / 5)
47. Accepted (3.5 / 5)
48. The Good German (3.5 / 5)
49. Twilight (4 / 5)
50. Twilight Saga - New Moon (4 / 5)
51. The Fourth Kind (4.5 / 5)
52. Pandorum (3 / 5)
53. Whiteout (2.5 / 5)
54. Knowing (4 / 5)
55. Jennifer's Body (3 / 5)
56. Daybreakers (4 / 5)
57. The Reader (4.5 /5)
58. Passengers (4 / 5)
59. Bangkok Dangerous (4 / 5)
60. Max Payne (3.5 / 5)
61. Taken (5 /5)
62. Paycheck (4.5 / 5)
63. A Beautiful Mind (5 / 5) (Repeated)
64. Kingdom Of Heaven (4 / 5)
65. Road To Perdition (4 /5)
66. Traitor (4.5 / 5)
67. Mirrors (4 / 5)
68. Twelve Monkeys (3.5 / 5)
69. Pride & Glory (3 / 5)
70. Street Kings (4.5 / 5)
71. The Italian Job (4.5 / 5)
72. Inside Man (4 / 5)
73. The Alphabet Killer (4 / 5)
74. Garden Party (3 / 5)
75. Iron Man (4.5 / 5) (Repeated)
76. Alien Raiders (3.5 / 5)
77. Cherry Falls (3 / 5)
78. Unearthed (3.5 / 5)
79. Final Destination (4 / 5)
80. Final Destination 2 (4 / 5)
81. Final Destination 3 (3 / 5)
82. Red Line (2.5 / 5)
83. Elegy (4 /5)
84. Eden Lake (4 / 5)
85. Inkheart (4 / 5)
86. The Uninvited (3 / 5)
87. Black Christmas (3.5 /5)
88. Harry Potter 1 (3.5 / 5)
89. Harry Potter 2 (3.5 / 5)
90. Harry Potter 3 (3.5 / 5)
91. Harry Potter 4 (3.5 / 5)
92. Harry Potter 5 (3.5 / 5)
93. Harry Potter 6 (3.5 / 5)
94. The Burrowers (3.5 / 5)
95. Edge Of Darkness (4 / 5)
96. Friday The Thirteenth (4 / 5)
97. The Informant (4 / 5)
98. Law Abiding Citizen (4.5 / 5)
99. The Unborn (3.5 / 5)
100. New York - I Love You (3.5 / 5)
101. Sorority Row (3.5 / 5)
102. The Collector (3.5 / 5)
103. Cracks (4 / 5)
104. Thick As Thieves (3.5 / 5)
105. A Nightmare On Elm Street (3.5 / 5)
106. Push (3.5 / 5)
107. Freddy vs. Jason (4 / 5)
108. From Paris With Love (4 / 5)
109. Splice (5 / 5)
110. Changeling (4.5 / 5)
111. State Of Play (4 / 5
112. The Crazies (4 / 5)
113. The Taking Of Pelham 123 (4 / 5)
114. The Horsemen (4 / 5)
115. The Sorcerer's Apprentice (3.5 / 5)
116. The Twilight Saga - Eclipse (4 / 5)
117. The Last Airbender (2.5 /5)
118. The Bounty Hunter (2.5 / 5)
119. Armored (3.5 / 5)
120. Hard Candy (3.5 / 5)
121. Transporter 2 (4 / 5)
122. Derailed (4 / 5)
123. Red Eye (4 /5)
124. Drag Me To Hell (4.5 /5)
125. Perfect Getaway (3 / 5)
126. District 9 (4.5 / 5)
127. The Hurt Locker (4.5 / 5)
128. Transporter 3 (4 / 5)
129. Living & Dying (3 / 5)
130. Serenity (3.5 / 5)
131. Stay (3.5 / 5)
132. The Wolfman (4 / 5)
133. The Messengers (3.5 / 5)
134. Crank (4 / 5)
135. Crank 2: High Voltage (3.5 / 5)
136. The Death & Life Of Bobby Z (3 / 5)
137. 30 Days Of Nights : Dark Days (4 / 5)
138. Green Zone (4.5 / 5)
139. The Expendables (4.5 / 5)
140. The Final Destination (3.5 / 5)
141. Lake House (4.5 /5)
142. The Prestige (4 /5)
143. Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe (3.5 /5)
144. Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian (3.5 / 5)
145. Unknown (4 / 5)
146. The Covenant (2.5 / 5)
147. Children Of Men (3.5 / 5)
148. Pulse (4 / 5)
149. Turistas (4.5 / 5)
150. Nightmare Man (2.5 / 5)
151. Population 436 (4.5 / 5)
152. The Pink Panther (4 / 5)
153. The Pink Panther 2 (4 / 5)
154. Rogue Assassin (War) (4 / 5)
155. The Holiday (4 / 5)
156. The Tripper (2 / 5)
157. Failure To Launch (3 / 5)
158. A History Of Violence (4 / 5)
159. Grindhouse: Planet Terror (3.5 / 5)
160. Funny Games (2.5 / 5)
161. I Will Always Know What You Did Last Summer (3.5 / 5)
162. Cleaner (3.5 / 5)
163. Silent Hill (4 / 5)
164. Ideocrasy (4.5 / 5)
165. Kungfu Panda (4.5 / 5)
166. Extra-ordinary Measures (4.5 / 5)
167. Date Night (3 / 5)
168. Cloverfield (3 / 5)
169. Spy Next Door (4 / 5)
170. The Town (4 / 5)
171. Valentines Day (4 / 5)
172. Wall-E (4.5 / 5)
173. The Karate Kid (3.5 / 5)
174. Tron (The 1982 release) (3 / 5)
175. The Lovely Bones (4.5 / 5)
176. Confessions Of A Shopaholic ( 3.5 / 5)
177. He Is Just Not That Into You (3.5 / 5)
178. The Life Before Her Eyes (4 / 5)
179. The Tuxedo (4 / 5)
180. Before The Devil Knows You Are Dead (4 / 5)
181. Bruce Almighty (3.5 / 5)
182. How To Train Your Dragon (4.5 / 5)
183. The 40 Year Old Virgin (3.5 / 5)
184. Good Luck Chuck (3 / 5)
185. A Dangerous Man (3.5 / 5)
186. The Recruit (4 / 5)

(Repeated) means I loved the movie and watched it repeatedly. There are movies which I simply love to watch again and again...

The list will be updated every week, as and when I will be watching more of them...

There is a pattern which applies to me...

The week which goes without watching a movie in a cinema hall, actually ruins my personal and professional life. I know you might consider this superstitious. But what if it holds true in my case and has been tested ever since past seven years?

Compromises - I never like them

Compromise is one word that I always hated through out my life.  It’s something that bounds a person to sacrifice things that is close to heart but is beyond means.  No matter how hard one tries to avoid it, someday or the other, one has to face it, upfront.  Usually, our utopian world gets shattered due to hard facts of reality.  If we can control things at that moment, we rule…and if not, we compromise. 

The wrist pain in my hand compelled me to get myself a good wrist band which I was searching since last week.  Also, to protect my legs during Parkour practice, my Sensai advised me to use shin guards.  I searched every sports shop for them, right from local to international brands.  My Sensai told me that I would get the wrist band for about Rs 200/- and the shin guard for about Rs 300/-.  After trying numerous shops I was quite disappointed as I could not manage to get good quality stuff. 

Even Reebok and Adidas disappointed me.  However, Nike made me happy as I got good quality stuff in their store.  The only problem was price…Rs 1000/- for a pair of wrist band and another Rs 1200/- for a pair of shin guards literally made me frustrated.  But then Nike is Nike…Hating the compromise factor, I decided to purchase them.  After all now I am earning sufficient to meet my expenses.  I ended up shopping for Rs 9000/- thereby getting a sports bag, sipper, elbow sleeves, knee guard, sports cap, 2 sports T-shirts and a push up stand along with the stuffs I wanted initially.  And when I came out of the mall, there was a sense of satisfaction within me as I accustomed my lifestyle such that I can manage my expenses within my means.  Things like these make me feel that I am far away from the bloody world of compromises, at least financially.  Now that’s what we call – living in our utopian world. 

Today my Mom informed me that Bali Aunty, my Maasi is about to get married next month on June 19^th.  I took it as good news only to learn that it’s nothing but a big compromise with life.  She is 34 and wasn’t married yet.  Not for the reasons that I claim for myself.  But for the reasons she never wanted in life. 

My friends know it very well that I am a slum-dog, who is not at all a millionaire. 

My roots belong to Gaddigodam, a slum in Nagpur, where I spent close to half of my life.  My maternal grandpa was a Coolie and my maternal uncle used to drive an auto rickshaw.  My father belongs to a family where in, his father used to be a tailor.  Indeed, my historical background would lead anyone to conclude that I was from a poor background.  It’s only that my father managed to study hard and fetched himself a semi government job from where we started building our future.  Today my family earns sufficient to manage a decent life.  But that’s my family…not my maternal grandpa’s family. 

Today my grandpa is in his late 70’s and can not even walk properly.  My maternal uncle got paralyzed, four years ago.  And since then, he is on bed like a vegetable, who can just talk and do nothing else.  To add further, my maternal grandparents always had a tension in their minds, as to who would look after my Maasi, who could not get married due to extreme poverty and heavy medical bills of their family. 

And today, when my mom told me that my Maasi agreed to marry a divorcee who already has a graduate daughter and a son, I was completely torn. 

Isn’t it the irony of life, that when I shopped for Nike’s and Zodiacs, I heinously forgot my roots and the family, where I geminated from.  Truly writing, I could not have been a good monetary help to them in the past as even I was struggling 2-3 years ago.  But the very fact that I did not even try for it, makes me deeply grieved.  I could have made the difference only if I wasn’t in my utopian world.  I just forgot that I stayed four long years at my Nani’s place during my childhood.  And when it was my turn to help them and provide them support, I just got lost in my aspirations of a better life. 

Even today, I can’t make much of a difference to them.  But at least, I can try my best to support them monetarily and mentally where ever I could. 

I always talk about making big in life…but now when I actually assess myself, I find that I failed on many smaller things that I could have changed for a better life of others.  Living with this thought, is nothing but a compromise, which I am making these days with my life. 

Overpowered...By The Enemy

Ever since I wrote my last blog, I thought I would be compelling myself to gradually move towards my study goals.  I thought that I would regularly struggle with the study material and would overpower my physical and mental blocks.  However, if things move on, exactly according to our plan, then all of us would be Gods.  Isn’t it?  

Another twenty days gone by and there’s not even a single sign of progress.  I am still there, where I used to be.  No-where…he he he 

If I analyze these twenty days that passed by, then I conclude that I had number of bad and good experiences.  

My co-worker who shares the same hierarchy accused me of possessing vested interest towards one of my team-members, even though I never ever thought about it.  I know his intentions are just to taint me and bring my strong candidature down.  I don’t know what good can people achieve by indulging themselves into these cheap politics rather than making themselves stronger through their work.  Certainly people like these should be avoided as they definitely create un-necessary pressure in our mind.  The entire episode actually ate three of my days and I just couldn’t concentrate on studies.     

When I gradually forgot the above event, my work demanded more of my time as the monthly research that we do in our office takes 10 days where in, I have to devote myself for quality checking the entire work that my team does.  During these 10 days, I know I hardly get time to check my personal emails and scraps on orkut.  Managing studies in these ten days is just impossible.  

If that’s not enough, I heard from one of my close alliance that my seniors are hell bent on shifting the entire process to DITP Delhi and are still ok with one or two consequent attrition.  It was another tension that rented my mind for two full days as I was the main protagonist who was against this shift.  He he he… 

Since my 15 working day leave application already got approved by my manager, my subconscious mind started taking study goals lightly.  As per my calculations, a total of 22 days exam preparation (including weekends) that I would undergo next month actually made me very comfortable.  Gradually, my regular study time got replaced with extra sleep and more time with office friends.  (Isn’t it called late back attitude) 

Oh yes! The joke of the century is that now, I have a group of “friends”.  He he he.  

Those who know me understand very well that I hardly make friends.  However, after say eight long years, I now have a group of friends called DAMM.  It refers to Disguised Assistant Managers Meet.  Include me, Puneet, Brijesh & Manoj and you would see DAMM.  We all are Assistant Managers catering to different teams.  However, we are closely bonded with each other and spend atleast an hour’s time regularly dining and sipping T shots (tea served in small cups as if we have tequila shots).  I don’t think there would hardly be any girl working in our office who has not been discussed in DAMM…he he he…and most of the times we do crib about our seniors and the existing inefficient management practices too…that’s normal…he he he.  I feel comfortable with each of them.  Again, anything which makes me comfortable also robs my concentration.  And yes, the hard fact of life is that most of the time, I feel like being with DAMM rather than going through my e-books during spare time in office.  That’s something which happened exactly whenever I used to prepare for some kind of exams in the past.  So nothing new about it…he he he  

Since past one and a half week, I am busy along with my manager doing the root cause analysis and preparing several mitigation reports as our line of business unexpectedly fetched some errors.  Analyzing past one years data thereby digging each and every account that our team members researched, hardly gave me time to breath.  And then making numerous presentations for several reviews some how forced me to forget about studies.  To neutralize my mind with the ongoing tensions, last weekend I watched three back to back movies at PVR.  “Straight”, “Baarah Aana” and “Firaaq”, all were good movies.  But then they were movies…he he he…what to say when my real life actually looks like an ongoing Gurudatt type of movie.  He he he 

Last Sunday, I also met with Vibhor and Vikram…the two guys from Royal Bank of Scotland.  Vikram is my friend cum neighbor since past three years.  Vibhor, his co-worker wanted to meet me since past few months.  Since Vibhor was leaving Delhi to pursue his MBA from ISB Hyderabad, I did not feel like skipping it.  Even I was curious to meet this guy.  Our meeting resulted in a fruitful networking with few exchange of ideas.  Definitely meeting such people motivates me and sets me back on track.  So this was again a wow experience for me which forced me to finally understand the Capital Asset Pricing Model and the Fama French Three Factor Model…he he he…as these are risk models and both Vikram and Vibhor along with me were slightly inclined towards risk management during our discussion.  He he he… 

All said and done, too many things at one point of time actually take my mind and consciousness.  Reasoning…isn’t it?  He he he…that's what it is...for getting overpowered by my biggest enemy...Me Myself...he he he

It will be a tough day for me today, as I have to properly hand over all my responsibilities prior to taking leaves.  My work will certainly take my entire day…but from tomorrow onwards, I will be free for another twelve days.     

It’s really hard to believe that after three long years, I would be taking leaves beginning tomorrow.  I intend to use them for a cause… 

Let’s see how hard I struggle during my next twelve days so that I burn a good amount of midnight oil to create some flames of knowledge.  ALL THE BEST TO ME...

Battling Myself From Within

Ever since I was a child, I had a dream to do something big. When I used to stand in front of the assembly line, I used to see my fellow schoolmates getting awards and accolades for their achievements. Since that time, I always desired that one day I will be getting these awards. Those were my childhood days since when I saw people growing. It’s only that I could never grow up. I saw Rakesh Shah & Aneesh Chawla becoming Chartered Accountants. If I saw Nikhil Saxena becoming an MBA from Jamnalal Bajaj Institute of Management Studies, Mumbai then Nidhi Jain also did her MBA from Nirma Institute of Management, Ahmedabad. These people were my friends. And I used to consider them my role models. Because I saw them growing with their achievements. And the only person I hated all the time is me. And the reason for this hatred is the same since past fifteen years.

Till my SSC (Standard Tenth) exam, life was a mixed bag of positive and negative experiences. If I had mentors like Dharmejwar Sir and Virendra Sir who taught me the concepts of painting and martial arts those days, then I had an average candidature as a student who secured approximately 62% in my SSC exams along with few Drawing & NCC Air-wing certificates. Things were fine those days when I used to think they were not. Atleast, I used to fight those days without any inhibitions about future. Things turned out to be spooky as I lived each of my days since then.

Life has just been like a river. Where ever it found slope, I thought I got a direction to flow. Hardly did I think that I was not making my own path, but was following the one given by fate.

I still don’t understand what went wrong, during my HSSC exams. I was considered the best student of Mathematics in my coaching class. But I never developed interest towards subjects like chemistry and physics. Well, using the word “interest” would actually demean the entire situation. The truth is, whenever I used to open the books, those chemical equations and numerical derivations used to bother me a lot. I really don’t know why but I somehow goofed up big time with those subjects. May be that was the reason, I developed an attitude to give up. One week prior to my HSSC exam, Pawan told me that if we can not score well in the exam, it’s better to drop it and prepare for next year to get a good score so that we may get an admission into Engineering / Medicine. That was the first time when I decided to give up by taking a break of a year for a better future.

During the second year of my HSSC, I somehow got deviated from my educational goals as Bhaigiri was on the top of my mind. I secured just 45% of marks in my HSSC and hence the idea of taking a break a year ago actually got defeated.

When I recollected my self after series of self destructive events that transformed me back to a normal individual, I thought to mend myself by making a good career. Subsequently, I enrolled for CA Foundation program. I attended the best coaching in the town by the name of CAPS. During my CAPS days I used to loose focus every now and then. My carefree attitude could not allow me to concentrate on books. Again, that is something which I say to console myself. Truth is that I got scared of those thick books that I was supposed to finish for Accounting and Mercantile law. I used to rub my eyes a lot but still the fear of not completing the entire course did not allow me to appear for the actual exam. It was a déjà vu effect for me as similar thing happened with me during my HSSC exams too. And I, kind of, got an easy option…GIVE UP…in the absence of preparation.

Somehow, I never continued with CA Foundation again, as even graduation was becoming difficult for me to clear. However, I managed to get a good company of Nidhi and Ratna who helped me a lot in clearing my graduation. They were my co-students when I gradually made my mind to pursue an MBA from a reputed BSchool. With all the hard work, I finally cracked the entrance exam and secured provisional admission at IBS Hyderabad, the top 12th BSchool in India, at that time. However, I could not secure 50% marks in my graduation, which was a pre-requisite to be at IBS Hyderabad, my MBA admission got cancelled and I was back to pavilion. I considered it a serious failure of my life as I reached to a top position but just because I secured 49.02% of marks and not a complete 50%, I could not attend an MBA which was a dream for me at that time. But then even if I would have continued my MBA studies, I knew I never had that confidence within myself to get immersed in the knowledge areas which those thick books used to demand. So in a way, I thought I was not prepared for such a heavy weight course.

When I came back to my hometown I thought I should first opt for a course which does not demand hefty fees but still should provide a good footage. I already lost a good deal of money by the cancellation of my MBA program. So money was something which I felt shy to ask for, from my parents. I took an admission in the Company Secretaries program. Again the coaching class drama started where in I tried my best to gather the concepts right. However, gradually I came to know that theory is something which I can never be comfortable with. I used to love practical subjects like Mathematics and Accounts. However Company Secretary Course was mainly about business laws which were nothing but theory, theory and again theory.

Somehow I managed to get a job in Gurgaon and I carried my books along with me so that I can prepare myself for the CS course. As time passed, I lost my vision in the CS course as well and never attempted to write the exam due to lack of preparation. My MBA dream was still not dead completely. So I gradually started preparing for CET exam to target Jamnalal Bajaj Mumbai for my MBA. But work pressure never allowed me to fully concentrate on the preparation. I could never make my mind to appear seriously for my CET exam.

I only cultivated work experience which again is a mixed bag of an agent profile in a BPO to investment research in KPOs. During my stint with Convergys, I came across several professionals who used to curse the BPO industry. So in search of a better profile, I decided to work for financial domain. How I managed to get into this domain is altogether a different struggle story. But in my journey from being a caller to being a capital market professional, I again came across a thought to try for a course called MS Finance. After convincing myself that getting an MS in Finance is an industry demand, I finally made my mind to spend my hard earned money on this course from ICFAI University. Be it work-pressure or be it the controversy between The CFA Institute USA and THE ICFAI India, I could never prepare my self for the exams. The fact is that I am still a normal graduate without any professional qualification.

It’s more than 15 years that just passed away and I still could not manage to equip myself with one good qualification. It started with HSSC, moved on to my graduation and CA exam, rolled over to my MBA and CS exam and then passed on to CET and MS Finance exam. I just could not prepare my mind to pass the testing times. These fifteen years, I lived a life of a saint, within every boundaries of morality. I never indulged myself into relationships with any female counterpart. Nor did I party, boozed or fagged in my entire life. I spent a lonely life which I am still continuing with. But the truth remains as it is…despite of being career conscious right from the beginning, I could not get even a single qualification in past fifteen years. Every time there were new reasons. But the basic one was the same - my late back attitude which finally forced me to give up.

What better example can you give, rather than mine, to prove that despite of all the sacrifices, people still do not succeed in their endeavors? May be I am not as good a fighter as my brother Samrat is. Or may be I am just a paranoid person who loves to live in an utopian world which really does not exist. I live in my own fantasy which still does not die despite of my failures.

Today I am thirty. When I open my books to study, I still face the same challenges that I used to face ever since past fifteen years. In fact, complexities of these challenges are increasing day by day. I gradually developed back ache due to prolonged work hours. I simply can not read for more than thirty minutes at a stretch. If I do so my eyes start paining. Since past few weeks, I developed swelling in my eyes as I tried to continue with my studies after tiring work-hours. May be the youth that gripped till now, has slowly started loosening me, as neck pain does not allow me to constantly peep into my computer too. So I can not even go through online materials. My growing tummy also does not allow me to sit comfortably with books.

Well, those are just bodily problems. Mind has other games to play. Whenever I try to go through that complex Capital Asset Pricing model or Fama & French’s three factor models, my mind deviates to think as to what will happen if my workplace gets changed to DITP Delhi? If not this, then what stops my manager to give me full credit for my hard work that I execute at my workplace? Why is she hell bent on sharing the credit of my hard work with another of my colleague who hardly works? Ever since I joined my company, I always delivered an entrepreneurial way of executing everything thereby not taking even a single leave. However, when I saw my seniors and co-colleagues using my way of execution for their own benefits, I decided to take a U turn. If applying for a 15 business day leave was mentally torturing me then deciding to execute only that much, which could suitable offset the compensation I receive from my company and not more than that, is another thought which twists me from right to left. If that’s not just enough, global recession acts as a topping on it. There are N number of things that bothers me a lot whenever I try my best to struggle with few of my books.

One thing for sure, I have learnt in these fifteen years is – my biggest enemy is ME MYSELF…

If I have to fight against someone, then that someone is ME only…

With each passing day, April 29^th is coming near and near…It’s a day that I have chosen to test myself again on the parameters of struggle, both physical and mental…My track record with National Level exams fetched me fear and pessimism. And when I tresspassed the boundaries of my country and enrolled with a course from United States, I know people might feel that I am fooling myself. The exam is tough as it does not include basics, but builds on existing expertise related to investments. Since I never studied investments formally, it requires me to study the basics also. Only after building the basic concepts of corporate finance, I will be able to handle the specialized course structure of my exam.

This time, it’s not just me against a tough international course, but ME against ME too…

All the courses I attempted earlier was not my choice but was demanded either by industry or by certain set of people. The course which I am going through right now is the only one which I PERSONALLY chose to enhance my knowledge. I know it will not give me good recognition as it is not as popular as a CFA / CPA is, but then this time, nobody demanded this course from me. Neither my industry nor people.

The only benchmark is the one we set for ourselves. Let me test finally, whether I can carve it for myself or not…This time, I AM NOT GIVING UP…whatever the result would be, I am definitely writing my exams.

Spoon of Sugar

It was a dark rainy day of 2002, when I was struck in the Poonam Chambers, a local mall, still situated in one of the posh areas of Nagpur. Since I had nothing to do, I just entered in one of the showrooms which used to retail luxury shirts from “Van Heusen”. With Chappals on my feet and unshaved beard on my face, I was completely a misfit in that AC showroom. The Friday collection showcase, in the showroom had a navy blue shirt which attracted me and I finally dared to pick it up in my hands.

“Hi Rishi” said a passer by and I was slightly astonished to notice him…although I could not recognize him, I still knew that person. I said, “I am sorry, I couldn’t recognize you”. He introduced himself as Parikshit, one of my juniors at SEARCH International, where I took my coaching for clearing MBA entrances.

He said, “Sir, you might be on a hometown visit….right? I am sure you might be enjoying your MBA from IBS…” I plainly smiled at him saying nothing.

He introduced me to his girlfriend…”Archana, meet Rishi Sir…he was my senior at SEARCH…and the only one from our Coaching Institute who managed to get an admission at the top 12 B-School in India…I want to be like him…I consider him my role model.”

That was the moment, when it hit me really hard…and my soul was completely shattered…I still don’t remember what interaction we had thereafter for another few minutes, as my mind was completely out of consciousness…

After some time I regained myself. The salesman in the showroom asked me, if I would like to buy the shirt which I was holding in my hands. When I denied, he forcibly grabbed the shirt and placed it in the showcase murmuring, “why do people even enter this showroom, when they don’t have a big pocket to buy stuffs.” He literally asked me to walk out of the showroom…believe me that was another shock which I could not bear…

It was still raining and I was not in a mood to go home with a sad mind…all I wanted was aloofness…I peeped into Haldiram’s Piccadilly…as usual, people were hardly present there…my next big challenge was Rs 12/- the actual cost of the coffee…and to my surprise, I had few coins which totaled to Rs 16/-. So I ordered a regular coffee and owned a corner seat for next few hours…closing my eyes…

I was trying to demystify what went wrong with me…whether it was my casual attitude towards life, or lack of awareness or may be the absence of an elder brother or mentor who could have guided me during my college days…and would have motivated me sufficiently to be serious with my studies. Perhaps, I would have had an intellectual friend circle, or would have possessed a razor sharp mind…Alas, I had nothing…I was just an ordinary average student during my college days and above all, I had developed a sense of pride in making fun of education and keeping myself aloof from it…That was the only reason why I could not secure 50% marks in my graduation, which led to the cancellation of my provisional admission, which I took, for the prestigious MBA program from the Icfai’an Business School (IBS), Hyderabad.

“How much sugar do you want in your coffee sir?” asked the waiter, and I was back to the real world.

I said “sufficient.”

To which he said, “One spoon or two?”

I was slightly irritated, so I yelled at him, “Don’t you know what a sufficient quantity of sugar would be for a cup of coffee?”

He explained, “Sufficient is a word which comes differently to different people. For some, one spoon is sufficient, but for few, even three spoons are less”

I said “one might be sufficient for me…if I would need more, I would ask for it”. He smiled and added a spoon of sugar in the cup, served the coffee and went away. Probably that was the moment, when I learnt what objectivity was all about. To my dismay, I realized how subjective, life was for me, which had already caused serious injuries to my future.

After getting theoretically convinced by Mr. Srinivasan Rao, the Coach at SEARCH International, I toiled days and nights to clear CAT, the mother of MBA entrances in India. But that happened only during my final year of graduation. Till that time, I already lost the opportunity to contribute enough grades so as to obtain an aggregate of 50% in all three years collectively. And when I was in Hyderabad, at IBS, I never thought that destiny had some other plans for me. After spending two months among the bright of the brightest people from different parts of the country, I got a message that I secured only 49% marks in my graduation. Since I could not meet the eligibility criteria, which was 'Graduation with 50% marks', my admission got cancelled and I was again at the zero level of my life. For the first time in life, I came to realize how important each single drop is, to collectively form an ocean…

Today I can not drink a cup of coffee which does not have at least two spoons of sugar, however, at Haldiram’s Piccadilly, I didn’t ask for more sugar…may be I realized that sweetness of my life has already evaporated…completely. I paid the bill and moved on in life…

Since, all the premier B-Schools have the same eligibility criteria, I never attempted for MBA again. And I never intended to do MBA from any mediocre B-School. However, I reworked my thoughts, personality and ways to live life. I shuffled and reshuffled many things thereafter so that a corporate professional should actually germinate within me…and believe me…it was not an easy task. Consciously or accidentally, I reshuffled the B and S from IBS Hyderabad…just to obtain ISB Hyderabad. May be my fate wanted me to exercise shuffling and reshuffling to carve my own destiny.

Today I nurture an aspiration to get my life transitioned from ISB Hyderabad…which is one of the top 20 B-Schools throughout the globe...

No matter which ‘Zodiac’ Shirt do I wear today in my day to day life, I would still consider myself ‘A Failure’, till the time I actually get myself admitted into ISB Hyderabad…

Inner Conflict...

Failures, they say…are the milestones of Success.

How Flowery? How Optimistic? However, when I look into my soul and try to measure the volatility of my satisfaction, I find it hard in capturing the basic ingredients of my thoughts. That’s where I can’t relate myself to such flowery and optimistic statements.

After a careful analysis, I finally conclude that I can not accept the world, the way it has been presented to me…I don’t think I am a perfectionist…however, I certainly advocate the fact that the world is full of flaws…and laws. That’s where I still feel that I am part of a world…which I personally rejected in my earlier life. Pity on me…isn’t it?

I love living with the paralysis of my analysis…so, I tried to break my thoughts into smaller pieces, so as to search for those individual ingredients, which constitute my thoughts…those thoughts which would result in the development of my actions and reactions…which according to the world is human behavior.

Wearing clothes is a normal human behavior…which is backed by a thought that humans must wear clothes…which in turn is backed by one or several assumptions, like not wearing clothes would lead to an embarrassing situation. What if we alter this assumption? Suppose, our consciousness fits an assumption that WEARING CLOTHES IS NOT A GOOD HABIT…see what happens…A thought crops in our mind…that we should not wear clothes and the general human behavior about wearing clothes would certainly be deviated from the so called normal behavior. That’s the power of assumption…which if altered, can cause an entirely different world…

Somehow, I have undergone the Paradigm Shift, a process of shifting my assumptions…from one place to another…and now I don’t really relate myself to those things which are generally considered normal to anyone. That’s why…flowery words like Optimism seems to be an alien concept for me. I am normal, only when I am at the peak of my abnormality.

After undergoing paradigm shift, a failure is just a pure and a plain word for me which is not subjected to sympathetic and optimistic statements…it purely means that I am not successful in my endeavors. And there are lots and lots of scope for me to mould myself for something worthwhile.

For about four months, I toiled days and nights to accomplish my dream…of being in the company of elite people…who would have transitioned their life from institutes like IITs and IIMs. However, I failed in my endeavor. Today I constantly encounter inner conflict with my failures…because for me, failure is failure.

I know, people would not understand the reason why I keep myself aloof from many materialistic things…and I don’t really care, because all my actions are metamorphosed with each of my failure, thereby deriving ways and preventive measures so that I don’t give Failure a chance to win again…

Keeping every emotions out of it…TODAY…I REPRESENT FAILURE…

Bond