Compromises - I never like them

Compromise is one word that I always hated through out my life.  It’s something that bounds a person to sacrifice things that is close to heart but is beyond means.  No matter how hard one tries to avoid it, someday or the other, one has to face it, upfront.  Usually, our utopian world gets shattered due to hard facts of reality.  If we can control things at that moment, we rule…and if not, we compromise. 

The wrist pain in my hand compelled me to get myself a good wrist band which I was searching since last week.  Also, to protect my legs during Parkour practice, my Sensai advised me to use shin guards.  I searched every sports shop for them, right from local to international brands.  My Sensai told me that I would get the wrist band for about Rs 200/- and the shin guard for about Rs 300/-.  After trying numerous shops I was quite disappointed as I could not manage to get good quality stuff. 

Even Reebok and Adidas disappointed me.  However, Nike made me happy as I got good quality stuff in their store.  The only problem was price…Rs 1000/- for a pair of wrist band and another Rs 1200/- for a pair of shin guards literally made me frustrated.  But then Nike is Nike…Hating the compromise factor, I decided to purchase them.  After all now I am earning sufficient to meet my expenses.  I ended up shopping for Rs 9000/- thereby getting a sports bag, sipper, elbow sleeves, knee guard, sports cap, 2 sports T-shirts and a push up stand along with the stuffs I wanted initially.  And when I came out of the mall, there was a sense of satisfaction within me as I accustomed my lifestyle such that I can manage my expenses within my means.  Things like these make me feel that I am far away from the bloody world of compromises, at least financially.  Now that’s what we call – living in our utopian world. 

Today my Mom informed me that Bali Aunty, my Maasi is about to get married next month on June 19^th.  I took it as good news only to learn that it’s nothing but a big compromise with life.  She is 34 and wasn’t married yet.  Not for the reasons that I claim for myself.  But for the reasons she never wanted in life. 

My friends know it very well that I am a slum-dog, who is not at all a millionaire. 

My roots belong to Gaddigodam, a slum in Nagpur, where I spent close to half of my life.  My maternal grandpa was a Coolie and my maternal uncle used to drive an auto rickshaw.  My father belongs to a family where in, his father used to be a tailor.  Indeed, my historical background would lead anyone to conclude that I was from a poor background.  It’s only that my father managed to study hard and fetched himself a semi government job from where we started building our future.  Today my family earns sufficient to manage a decent life.  But that’s my family…not my maternal grandpa’s family. 

Today my grandpa is in his late 70’s and can not even walk properly.  My maternal uncle got paralyzed, four years ago.  And since then, he is on bed like a vegetable, who can just talk and do nothing else.  To add further, my maternal grandparents always had a tension in their minds, as to who would look after my Maasi, who could not get married due to extreme poverty and heavy medical bills of their family. 

And today, when my mom told me that my Maasi agreed to marry a divorcee who already has a graduate daughter and a son, I was completely torn. 

Isn’t it the irony of life, that when I shopped for Nike’s and Zodiacs, I heinously forgot my roots and the family, where I geminated from.  Truly writing, I could not have been a good monetary help to them in the past as even I was struggling 2-3 years ago.  But the very fact that I did not even try for it, makes me deeply grieved.  I could have made the difference only if I wasn’t in my utopian world.  I just forgot that I stayed four long years at my Nani’s place during my childhood.  And when it was my turn to help them and provide them support, I just got lost in my aspirations of a better life. 

Even today, I can’t make much of a difference to them.  But at least, I can try my best to support them monetarily and mentally where ever I could. 

I always talk about making big in life…but now when I actually assess myself, I find that I failed on many smaller things that I could have changed for a better life of others.  Living with this thought, is nothing but a compromise, which I am making these days with my life.