It all started when I boarded the flight to Nagpur at about 6:00 in the morning. I generally fall in love with every airhostess I come along. He he he…GoAir was not an exception too. After the tiring security checks and other check-in procedure, I finally entered the airplane and lifted my cabin bag to keep it in the overhead luggage shelf. I was visibly looking sweaty. Might be due to the physical exertion I had juggling with my luggage or due to a heavy leather jacket and a muffler around my neck, which I wore to protect myself from the chilly December of Delhi. When I was about to board my seat, a very sweet and sexy airhostess greeted me.
Airhostess – "Goodmorning Sir."
Me – "Goodmorning."
Airhostess – "Sir you look sweaty. Would you like to remove your jacket please?"
Me – "I am scared. I hope you only want me to remove my jacket, don’t you?"
Airhostess – "only the jacket sir. (with a witchy smile) You won’t need it inside the plane. It’s quite hot, out here."
Me – (with a devilish expression) "Not yet. But I think I should go by your word. May be things might turn out hot then…he he he"
Airhostess – "You have a nice sense of humor sir…"
Me – "Well, you have a nice ammmmmm...well, everything…"
Airhostess – (gazed with a little superciliously vampire looks) "Your jacket please?"
Me – "I am all yours" (handed over my jacket).
Airhostess – "Enjoy your flight sir" (She kept my jacket in the overhead luggage shelf, smiled and moved on)
Me – "Well, I just did! Thanks"
How flirtatious, isn’t it? Well that’s not me, even outside my professional world. I just could not believe I did that…he he he…Next few minutes went into settling myself in the window seat. I never like to sit on window seats as it kind of blocks you for the entire journey. If D E F be the sequence of the seat, I would be sitting on F (next to window), the aisle seat D was occupied by a guy who appeared to be very sleepy. And E, which was in between both of us was still vacant. That’s a very pessimistic situation for single men like me, isn’t it? He he he…So I had to be happy with the airhostesses only. And then happened a magic. A very fair and good looking girl appeared along with her mom and requested the sleepy person to move to a seat back to us so that both of them could sit closer. But the sleepy guy refused for an unknown reason. Obviously, me being a gentleman had no option but to forgo the opportunity and offer my seat to her mom. Astonishingly her mom did not accept my offer as she wanted an aisle seat but thanked me for my kindness. That’s how it worked and the girl sat next to me and I had no option but to forget the airhostess for a while. My first impression on this two member family was good. But there was a long silence after that which was mainly due to India centric approach to interact with a complete stranger with an opposite sex.
Airhostess – "Sir, as a standard operating procedure, let me tell you that you are sitting next to the emergency exit door. This door weighs 15 kgs and I would like to confirm that in case of emergency, you would be able to uplift this door. If not, we will accommodate you to some other seat."
Me – "What is your weight?"
Airhostess – "Excuse me. I didn’t get you sir."
Me – (again with a devilish expression) "Well, assuming you are heavier than this 15 kg door, I can give a live demo, that I can lift you even during a non emergency situation."
Airhostess – (again with a witchy smile) "I will take it as a yes then."
Me – "All-righty, get ready for a live demo then…"
Airhostess – "No no, it’s ok. The “yes” was for my confirmation that you can lift the emergency exit door."
Me – "Don’t you think, your “yes” is kind of “de-motivating” for me…"
Airhostess – "Like I said before, you have a nice sense of humor sir…enjoy your flight."
Me – "I again did. He he he…and I hope you would come up with a few more standard operating procedures to quote…"
Airhostess – (vivaciously nodding her head with the most witchy smile) "Certainly sir…there is one more to demonstrate."
The moment the airhostess moved on, the girl sitting next to me said – That was exciting.
Me – "Ah, just my way of appreciating beauty"
Girl - "Oh! So you appreciate beauty too…"
Me – "Don’t worry, your turn will also come. And, that’s another way of telling you that you are beautiful."
Girl’s Mom (from behind) – "She is my daughter and she really is beautiful."
Girl – (exhibiting shyness) "Mom, please…"
Girl’s Mom – "What? You are, my dear. And I won’t mind someone like this gentleman appreciating it. Very few people do it the way we like it. (Looking at me) Plus, I must appreciate the kindness by which he himself offered his seat. (Taunting the sleepy guy) Otherwise, there are people who just can’t understand others situation."
Now that was a tricky situation wherein I had to feel shy. I said – "thanks Aunty."
After a minute of silence, the girl’s Mom touched my shoulder from behind – "Did she ask you the time?"
Me – "No"
Girl’s Mom – "She will. That’s her way of breaking the ice with strangers…he he he"
Girl – "Mom please. What are you doing?"
Girl’s Mom – "Ok ok, I am sorry beta. You continue…"
Me – (addressing the girl) "Well, now you won’t ask me time. Hai naa?"
Girl – "No. I would look foolish if I do so. But you have a nice watch. Can I see it?"
Me – "Sure. Take a look."
Girl – "It really looks nice. And it’s Tissot. Wow…and I really like your perfume too. Which one is it?"
Me – "Oh! That’s Hugo Boss."
Girl – "Great. I will buy it too. It’s really pleasing."
Me – "Make sure, you buy the ladies one. I am using the men perfume. Both are different with N number of varieties…he he he"
Girl – "Very smart. I am not that dumb."
Me – "Yeah! I thought so…"
Girl – "What? Dumb."
Me – "No. That you have brains too."
Girl’s Mom (from behind) – "See its beauty with brains beta."
Girl – "Mom please. You find someone else next to you naa. And don’t listen to our conversation. You are spoiling it."
Girl’s Mom – "Sorry beta. (winking one of her eyes at me) You carry on…he he he. I will sleep a while."
Now, this was the first time when I faced a situation like this where in I had parental permission to get along with her daughter. Obviously, the mother daughter duo, were from a well to do & an educated family which incidentally were quite frank with each other too. For the next 15-20 minutes, she got engaged with a GoAir magazine and so I had to put my iPod on. Suddenly, it appeared to me that she was asking something to me which I could not listen due to the loud music. So I paused the song, and looked at her.
Girl – "Which song is it? I haven’t heard it earlier. But it’s really rhythmic."
Me – "Don’t tell me that you could listen to it even when you are not wearing the earphones."
Girl – "Listen, for past half an hour you have been listening to only one song. Tujhko jo payaa to jeena aaya…And I very well know that you were playing it repeatedly in full sound only to catch my attention."
Me – "Bingo! You got it! Actually it’s quite situational with the lyrics – Ab ye lamha thehar jaaye, tham jaaye, bus jaaye, hum dono ke darmiyaa…You see…"
Girl – "Really, and what’s so situational about it?"
Me – "Well, your Mom can very well explain it. Shall I ask her to do so…"
Girl – "Noooo…Leave it."
Me – "Ok. And believe me, I have not heard this song with so much depth earlier…infact this is the first time I am listening to it…earlier I listened to it while watching the movie, but it did not have such an impact."
Girl – "And you want me to believe that?"
Me – "No! All I want you to do is to listen to this song…"
Girl – "You know what? Actually, I myself was about to ask for your iPod, if you don’t mind."
Me – "Oh Sure! I certainly can’t afford to have a mind which would mind…he he he…all yours"
I selected the song and handed my iPod to her. She closed her eyes and started listening to the song. After about 3 to 4 minutes, she asked me how to repeat the song and when I told her about it, she again closed her eyes. After repeatedly listening to it thrice, she handed over the iPod to me.
Girl – "Wow…this was amazing. I don’t really listen to Hindi music, but I really want to have it in my collection. What’s the name of the album?"
Me – "Crook: It’s good to be bad."
Girl – "I am sorry, what was that?"
Me – "Well the name of the album is – Crook. And it’s caption is – It’s good to be bad."
Girl – "Really?"
Me – "Yes, that’s what the name is…"
Girl – "Now I get it how it is so situational…huh…(pointing her index finger at me) Crook, isn’t it?"
Me – "He he he…But as per your Mom, I’m a gentleman and not a crook."
Girl – "And that’s the whole problem naa yaar…"
Me – "Well, most of the problems get turned into opportunities…and I am quite an oppor tu nistic guy."
Airhostess – "Sorry for the interruption mam. We are serving. Would you like to have something?"
Girl – "No thanks."
Airhostess – "Would you like to have something sir?"
Me – "Well. That really depends on what all are you serving?"
Airhostess – "You can check the menu card. (putting forward the menu card)"
Me – "I really don’t want to go through that puzzle. (I did not accept the menu card). Instead, why don’t you offer me something…jjjjjuicy" (devilish smile was on my entire face).
Girl – "God! You are terrific."
Airhostess – "Sir, we have a mix of orange & pineapple juice."
Me – (again with a naughty smile) "Anything else?"
Airhostess – "Sorry sir. We just have a mix of orange & pineapple juice."
Me – "I am really disappointed. But just wait for a second."
I turned myself to the girl besides me.
Me – "Hey, listen. Can I buy you a drink? A can of juice may be. That’s what they have…"
Girl – "I seriously admire your guts man. You are openly flirting with the airhostess in front of me and then also want to buy me a drink."
Me – "Well, it’s just good to be bad. (I exclaimed) And common, I did not flirt with her, did I?" (I turned myself to the airhostess for an informal help and nodded my head)
Airhostess – (got the point) (smiled vivaciously) (addressed the girl) "I already mentioned twice to him. Sir has a good sense of humor."
Me – "Thank You! Now you won my heart."
Girl – "Wow…you really are a Crook. I won’t have anything."
Me – "No problems. (addressing the Airhostess) Just one can please. How much for it?"
Airhostess – "Only 40 Rupees."
I handed over the money to the airhostess and took the can.
Airhostess – (smilingly) "Enjoy your drink sir." (and moved on)
Me – "Well, I just did."
Girl – (irritatingly) "And what’s that suppose to mean? You didn’t even open the can…"
Me – "Leave it, you won’t understand. He he he…"
Girl – "Really? Very smart."
Me – "How smart? 1 kg or 10 kg?"
Girl – "Oh God! Can’t you just keep quite for sometime."
Me – "Ok…if you insist…"
There was a long silence again till I finished having the juice. When a guy who also happened to be the cabin crew came up to collect the used can, I did not react. But the girl did…he he he
Girl – "Hardluck…she did not come this time"
Me – "May be she thought to leave us alone."
Girl – "Huh…very funny."
Me – "How funny? 1 kg or 10 kg?"
Girl – "Do you know you have a very poor sense of humor?"
Me – "Not as per the airhostess…he he he"
Girl – "But as per me, it is…"
Me – "Do you fight with every stranger to whom you don’t get a chance to ask time?"
Girl – "No. Not with every strangers…only with those who flirt with airhostesses."
Me – "I told you I wasn’t flirting."
Girl – "Whatever!"
I pulled my white handkerchief from my pocket and showed it to her…
Me – "Listen, I don’t have a white flag. But can this white handkerchief bring peace between us?"
Girl – (laughing out loud) "You really are funny?"
Me – "How funny? 1Kg or … ok leave it? You get irritated by it."
Girl – "Good. Seems you are a fast learner…"
Me – "Well I am. And I really want to learn more about you."
Girl – "Ok, first you tell me, what’s your story?"
Me – "Well, I am just an average guy with unusual differences…"
Girl – "Unusual? Wow, that’s catchy. So what do you do?"
Me – "What do you think I do?"
Girl – "I don’t know. May be a spy or something."
Me – "Spy? Wow…what makes you feel I am a spy?"
Girl – "Well, you flirt with every female you come across. Strangely, some of them like your, so called sense of humor too. You form alliances with your subject’s mom very easily and I don’t know why moms are so easily trapped by people like you…Plus you come up with your funny one liners, which you think are funny but believe me, they are not. You use your gadgets to woo female attention; take your iPod for instance. And when asked, you don’t plainly reveal what kind of work you do. So that ways, you might be a spy. Like Bond…James Bond."
Me – "He he he…Ammmmmazing…but not James Bond please. Bond…Simply Bond. He he he…by the way…I am an Investment guy."
Girl – "What’s an investment guy? I have heard about investment bankers?"
Me – "Oh! Ok, that’s what I meant?"
Girl – "And what do you do as an Investment Banker?"
Me – (with a devilish smile) "Hostile takeovers…he he he"
Girl – "I knew it. You would come up with something like this…Hostile takeover…huh"
Me – "He he he…that’s what I was suppose to tell you in a situation like this…that was just to create humor yaar…"
Girl – "That was cheap, not at all humorous. (sarcastically) Hostile Takeovers…"
Me – "Well, the phrase “hostile takeovers” is extensively used in investment banking industry. But let me clarify, I am…I am mainly into Asset Management…"
Girl – "See, again you are trying to use those double meaning stuffs – Asset Management…"
Me – "What? Double meaning…nooooooooo waaaay…"
Girl – "Now don’t try to stretch it. I won’t get into those vulgar conversations with you. I very well understand what type of assets you manage…"
Me – "Oh God! How should I explain it to you? Mam, it’s strictly investment centric assets that I was talking about, not the one which you are thinking. In the world of investments, company stocks, bonds, derivatives are commonly known as assets."
Girl – "Ok! So you sell stocks."
Me – "No no no…I don’t sell them. I am into the measurement of asset performance. It’s all statistics."
Girl – "Now I am sure, you are trying to make a fool of me…"
Me – "Why do you say so?"
Girl – (sarcastically) "You are purposefully using words like Assets, Measurement, Vital Statistics and God knows what not…"
Me – "Oh God! When did I use the word Vital?"
Girl – "But then you meant it naa?"
Me – "No…not at all. It’s just plain statistics. Not the Vital ones. God! Anyways leave it. You won’t understand, probably because you are not from the investment industry."
Girl – "Hello…I am an MBA. That too from Fore school of management."
Me – "MBA? From Fore? And you don’t even know the term called Asset Management. I am shocked."
Girl – "Well, I took Marketing as my electives. So that ways, it’s still fine."
Me – "No it’s not. You might have studied a bit of finance in your first year. Every B-School teaches that much at least."
Girl – "No it wasn’t taught to us."
Me – "Thank God! I am not an MBA."
Girl – "You know there is a comic character called Crook Bond…incidentally, you call yourself a Bond and for me you are a Crook…he he he…so you are a Crook Bond…And no BSchool would ever give MBA admission to a Crook Bond…ok."
Me – "Well ISB Hyderabad would certainly give me an admission…just wait and watch."
Girl – "ISB? (sarcastically) Rehne do…let’s change the topic, I can’t bear it."
Me – "Yeah, me too."
Girl – "Fine, so let’s call it a truce and discuss something else."
Me – "You know what? That Crook Bond thing was really funny…he he he"
Girl – "Really? (smilingly) How funny? 1 kg or 10 kg…?"
Me – "Wow…I never knew I was so infectious…"
Girl – "There’s only one problem…both James Bond and Crook Bond have more hair than you do…he he he"
Me – "Ah! I have to be bald naa yaar…otherwise how will people call us – Bald & Beautiful…he he he"
Girl – "Us? Wait a minute! Are you really trying to woo me up?"
Me – "It’s working. Isn’t it?"
Girl – "No comments. (with a mischievous smile) I would like to see you confused…he he he…"
Me – (with a naughty expression) "Well, I don’t like clarity in such situations either…"
Girl – "Acchhaa…good hai. By the way, I am serious – a little more hair on your head would look good. Why don’t you try something? Hair oil, or may be a transplant or something like that?"
Girl’s Mom – "Beta try to rub the juice of some green chilies on your scalp. Do it regularly for three or four months at least. It works…"
Girl – "Mom, I told you not to listen to our conversations…"
Girl’s Mom – "What? I was just trying to help. Oh I am so sorry for doing your job…he he he"
Airhostess – "Please fasten your seat belts Madam. Sir. We are preparing to land…"
Me – "Really? But I was expecting a better air crash…"
Airhostess – "You are traveling with GoAir sir. We never had an air crash."
Me – (exclaimed) "Well…We just did…he he he…"(While exclaiming I pointed my index finger to the girl, then to the airhostess and then towards myself)
The airhostess moved on to next passengers nodding her head, again with a witchy smile.
Girl – "What’s between you and her? Are you exchanging some coded information for your so called espionage?"
Me – "See…even you are a fast learner."
Girl – "Whatever…"
Post landing, we took our cabin bags from the overhead luggage shelf and moved towards the exit door of the plane to un-board it.
Airhostess – "Thanks for boarding with us. Enjoy your day Sir…"
Me – "Well, I ju…"
Airhostess – (interrupting in between) "I know what you will say - “I just did” isn’t it?"
Me – "You are a smart girl. And a fast learner too…" (Taunting the girl who sat besides me and was behind me in the que, along with her mother)
Airhostess – "Thank you Sir."
Me – "Was I too rude?"
Airhostess – (smilingly) "Absolutely not sir…in fact you were quite jovial…and it’s good to be jovial."
Me – "Oh! Thanks a lot. You too enjoy your day ahead."
Airhostess – (smilingly) "Well, I just did Sir…"
Now that was a “tit for a tat”, isn’t it? He he he…With a broad smile, I moved on and boarded the shuttle. Somehow, I lost the mother daughter duo while I was boarding the shuttle, which took us to the airport where we had to collect our check in luggage. While I was waiting for mine, someone touched me on my shoulder. I turned back only to know she was the girl’s mother.
Girl’s Mom – "So, did both of you exchange your cell numbers?"
Me – "No, we did not."
Girl’s Mom – "Oh! That’s sad…(turning towards her daughter) You guys didn’t even exchange your cell numbers?"
Girl – "I don’t exchange my cell number with strangers. Especially with those who openly flirt with airhostesses."
Girl’s Mom – "But he was quite a gentleman naa beta. Remember, he called you “Beauty With Brains”. You guys even look good as friends."
Girl – "My dear Mom. You don’t have to choose friends for me. That’s my job."
Girl’s Mom – "Common, even that airhostess said he was jovial. "
Girl – "Whatever. I am not exchanging my cell number with him."
And I was laughing out loud on that strangely lovable situation. For the first time in life, I met a girl’s mom who asked her daughter to exchange her cell number with me…he he he…isn’t that hilarious. When the girl saw her check in bag on the luggage belt, she tried very hard to lift it. However, she was dragged by the moving luggage belt as her bag was quite heavy for her. So I helped her out, in lifting the bag and keeping it on the trolley. Meanwhile, I took my check in suitcase and said goodbye to both of them.
Girl – "Wait. There is another bag also. Who will lift it up for me?"
Me – "Oh! Only I can do that…he he he…thanks for the opportunity."
Girl’s Mom – "See, I told you naa beta, he is quite a gentleman."
Girl – (taunting me) "You know what Mom; he is actually very good in lifting things. He himself revealed that he can lift up the 15 Kg emergency door of the airplane. He was even about to lift up the airhostess also."
Girl’s Mom – "All I can say is that he is a strong guy who can lift you as well…he he he"
I lifted another of her bag and kept it on the trolley.
Me – "I hope someone is here to pick both of you outside."
Girl’s Mom – "Thanks a lot beta! Her dad is already waiting outside for us…"
Me – "Allright then. You all…"
Girl – (interrupting in between) "By the way, we can share our IMID’s."
Me – "I am sorry, what’s that?"
Girl – "IM Id…it’s Instant Messaging ID’s like Yahoo Messenger or Google Talk."
Me – "Oh! I see."(I gradually pulled my wallet out of my pocket to get my visiting card).
Girl’s Mom – "I love you beta…"
Girl – "Mom, I am just doing it for your sake, ok."
Girl’s Mom – "Common beta. I already have your dad who is waiting outside. You are doing it for youself…he he he"
Girl – "Whatever…"
I wrote my Yahoo Messenger Id on the back of my visiting card and handed over the card to the girl.
Girl – "You know what? I just changed my mind. I won’t give you my Yahoo ID."
Me – "Ok! No problems. It was really nice fighting with you…he he he"
Girl’s Mom – (addressing me) "Just wait for some time. Now that she has your visiting card, she will definitely call you…dekh lenaa…he he he"
I just smiled for a final goodbye…
Me – "I really enjoyed both of your company throughout the flight. I really wished we had some more time…he he he"
Girl’s Mom – "Same here beta…we also feel that ways…"
Girl – "We? Not me…ok"
Me – "he he he…Allright then. Goodbye. Enjoy & Have Fun."
Girl – "Well…I just did…(with a mischievous smile) bub-bye."
And I moved towards the prepaid taxi counter where as they approached the exit door.
What a cherishing experience it was, isn’t it? I normally don’t do this flirting shirting as I am a very reserved type of a guy. I keep myself aloof from everything when I am not in office, and when I am at my workplace, I generally come up as an extremely professional guy with a NO NONSENSE Attitude. That’s me, in reality. I guess, I now know, that sometimes, going by the wind also creates unforgettable excitement, how-so-ever directionless they may be. Of-course, one should never ever trespass the boundaries of moral science and community living while doing so. And above all, the other person involved should never feel offended by your moves. That’s where every one, mark my words, everyone enjoy neat & clean flirting. Even females...
By the time, I posted this article on my blog; I already received an offline message from an unknown Yahoo Id.
Yahoo Id – "Hey Crook. How are you?"
I replied – "Now that you already know “it’s good to be bad”, I would say, I am extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemely bad."
